Made to feel guilty over EBM feeding on occasions

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Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2018 12:48 pm

Made to feel guilty over EBM feeding on occasions

Post by Stayhomemummabear » Mon Jan 29, 2018 1:27 pm

Just wondering how many other mums out there breastfeed mainly but also express so they can have a break/share the load of feed times?
My partner works FIFO roster of 2wks on 1wk off, during the 2wks I usually breast feed with every couple of days I will feed a bottle just to keep DS2 in the habit so that when DP is home he can feed (his suggestion in te past) with our first DS he wouldn't take the bottle and that left me feeling like I couldn't have anytime away from him and I had started feeling isolated and at times would get upset on how hard it was to exclusively breastfeed. But now with the DS2 not caring where his feed comes from I've thought excellent I can have a break and share the load and have a little bit of mummy and DS1 time while DS2 is having a bottle. DP had kept asking when DS2 can be bottle fed so he can feed a bottle or two in a 24 hour period while he is home, but now all of a sudden when I went out for not even 2 hours with 2-3 bottles int he fridge only needed to be warmed then fed to DS2, DP has decided that he should be on the breast and is making me feel absolutely horrible for being away for under 2 hours, because DS2 was crying because the bottle DS2 had wasn't enough (not unusual for him to have several close feeds before settling for the night, upside to the cluster feeding at night is I usually get an extra hour or two of sleep before having to wake for another feed) but DP refused to warm another bottle because he should be feeding from the breast.

im just wanting to know whether I'm a bad mum or not for wanting to express so that I can have a break from the feeding all the time and on the rare occasion have some child free time. I love my boys and wouldn't change them for the world but there are times where it would be nice to have some quiet time or other adult interaction without the two kids. I've tried talking to DP about the way I feel and just get told that I take it for granted spending every day with them while he is at work and doesn't see them for two weeks (other than with video calling each day) since DS1 was born in feb 2016 I've been a full time stay at home mum (at times it feels like I'm a single mum with DP working away), I've probably had 5-6 times of child free time I'm not complaining about that, just the fact that I'm being made to feel guilty with esxpressing for DS2 all of a sudden. Should I be feeling this guilty and like I'm failing my sons? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? If so how did you deal with it?

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Re: Made to feel guilty over EBM feeding on occasions

Post by Nedsmum » Fri May 04, 2018 4:51 am

This sounds very much like something you need to work through with your DP. I can imagine he feels 'inadequate' in some way, baby is crying everyone usually (in my experience) tries to hand the baby back to mummy! But of course babies cry when mummy is there too! How old is your bubba ? It may be that evenings are not the best time to leave your kids, but when my first daughter was around 12 months I did a short course once a week so get a break and I wrote a list of 'everything you must try before bringing baby to mum'... my husband had a sort of screams, find mummy, and he had to learn to work it out a bit himself... Also, it is possible usually for babies to go 2-3 hours between feeds. We found with our third child that around 6pm (right on 'dinner crazy time') the baby either clusterfed with me, or he could hang out over dad's shoulder in the garden, or on the rocking chair on the patio, and would have a short nap... and it actually didin't seem to bother which option we tried - so we took turns on cooking/feeding the older kids... I don't think you should feel guilty at all...but maybe your DP just didn't quite know what to do...and didn't want to do the wrong thing...
Breastmilk - the ultimate 'brain food'!!!

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