HELP!!!

Breastfeeding does not always work out, this is a place to discuss your situation and feelings
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baby_meg
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HELP!!!

Post by baby_meg » Wed Aug 22, 2012 8:37 pm

Hi,
I have 2 boys, 16 months & 5 weeks.
I tried breastfeeding my first child however was unsuccessful due to him having sucking issues that were caused from the birth. I tried expressing but it wasn't working. I only lasted 2 weeks before we put him on formula. I was very disappointed.
Then we had baby # 2 and I was determined to breastfeed. Things were going really well and i was happy.
Then hubby returned to work and our house turned crazy! Trying to entertain a thriving toddler and attend to his needs as well as breastfeeding a newborn every 1 1/2 to 2 hours 24/7..........
I am running on nothing, I am stressed and emotional and not coping! I have been doing this for 2 weeks and now I just cant keep going.
Nursing is stressful for me and bub, he is constantly fussing at the breast.
I decided I would start formula of a night so that way hubby could help and bub would settle more.
This wasn't a descision I made lightly and I am still feeling guilty. However I have to think of my eldest child too. I have been getting cranky at him for no reason and havent been able to give him much attention.
We gave the first formula bottle last night and tonight I have given 2 and will do 3 tomorrow.
My problem is my boobs are so sore. I have tried expressing a little bit to relieve the pain but it doesnt last long. I don't want to do anything that will dry up my milk all together as I still want to breastfeed through some of the day. Any ideas on how I can get through this?
Please don't judge me on the choices I have made, I know breast is best however when I am stressed its affecting both my babies and I already feel terrible. I just need advice.
Thank you.

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Esther
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Post by Esther » Wed Aug 22, 2012 8:49 pm

Hello,

Hugs. The early daze are really, really hard. No judgement here, you need to do what you need to do. Most important rule is to feed the baby and try to survive!

Are you able to call a counsellor? The helpline is available 24/7 and there is a counsellor now who can take your call. They can go through some breast "first aid" for you. It sounds like your body is still holding on to the milk that your baby was having at night. If you are feeling sore, ice packs can really help. Generally we suggest to express just for comfort, but it sounds like you're doing that already.

There's some suggestions for relieving engorgement here

https://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bf-inf ... ngorgement

It's going to take a couple of days for your breasts to adjust to only feeding during the day.

Good luck!
Esther
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foxforcefive
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Post by foxforcefive » Wed Aug 22, 2012 8:52 pm

Hugs to you, mamma. Juggling a newborn and a toddler is tough, no matter how you are feeding your bub, and you need to look after yourself now more than ever. It sounds like you are happy with the choice you have made for you and your family at this time, and that is the most important thing.

Your boobs will soon get the message to stop producing milk at the times you are feeding your bub formula. You are doing the right thing by expressing, and you just need to keep doing this for a little while longer. Just express enough for comfort (in a warm shower can help). Keep an eye out for blockages too.

It is possible to mix feed (ie, breastfeed and formula feed) as you want to do, but it is important to get the right info, especially in the early days when your 'milk factory' is being built. Maybe give the lovely counsellors on the ABA Helpline a call for some more tips and ideas? They won't judge you, I promise. Their job is to support you in your choices. 1800 686 268.

Best wishes!
Wifey to 1 and mummy to 2
"If you asked me what I came into this world to do, I will tell you - I came to live out loud.” Emile Zola

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foxforcefive
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Post by foxforcefive » Wed Aug 22, 2012 8:53 pm

Snap, Esther!
Wifey to 1 and mummy to 2
"If you asked me what I came into this world to do, I will tell you - I came to live out loud.” Emile Zola

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Esther
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Post by Esther » Wed Aug 22, 2012 8:55 pm

foxforcefive wrote:Snap, Esther!


Phew :-D
Esther
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ClOuD_NiNe
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Post by ClOuD_NiNe » Wed Aug 22, 2012 9:09 pm

Welcome to the forum baby_meg and congrats on your new little one :D Sorry to hear things are so crazy right now, I'm thinking that's going to be me in about 7 months!!

Just one suggestion from me on the feeds during the day... have you tried feeding in a sling or carrier of some kind? I often did that when out and about with my bub when he was little, it took a bit of practice to get the positioning right but once we did it was really easy. I had a plain old ring sling that worked quite well but I know others have successfully fed in all kinds of carriers. Just thought tf you were able to do that it might free you up a bit for your toddler.
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fellare
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Post by fellare » Wed Aug 22, 2012 9:14 pm

(((((hugs)))))

these days are so hard!

can you express enough so dh can feed that rather than formula? I did that several times, so I could go to bed early and DH did the midnight feed. And I'm lucky that DH is a SAHM so we often did this in the morning as well.

Have you heard of the Australian hold? Image
it frees up your hands so you can do something with your toddler, like read a book. I'll try and find the link I used to learn this one, it was awesome.

And you're doing an awesome job! One baby is hard enough a baby and toddler is super hard, and you're doing it, so you're a super mum!
Boobymonster weaned at 3.5yrs.
Ms Firestorm born august 2015
Whatever you perceive to believe, dream.... be free.... (eMDee)

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fellare
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Post by fellare » Wed Aug 22, 2012 9:15 pm

Boobymonster weaned at 3.5yrs.
Ms Firestorm born august 2015
Whatever you perceive to believe, dream.... be free.... (eMDee)

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AbbeyCat
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Post by AbbeyCat » Wed Aug 22, 2012 9:26 pm

Big hugs.

I know how hard the early days can be with 1 baby needing you all the time, so can only imagine what it's like with 2 little ones totally dependant on you.

Am so glad you found this forum. Hope the advice helps make things better for you and your family.
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Aleishasmum
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Post by Aleishasmum » Wed Aug 22, 2012 10:56 pm

I just wanted to add that I love how you describe your toddler as 'thriving', rather than 'challenging' or 'pain in the butt' as I probably would! It is a huge thing, helping a toddler adjust to a new baby, and adjusting to managing two yourself.
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strolltotheshops
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Post by strolltotheshops » Thu Aug 23, 2012 6:00 am

Hi there. You're doing such a wonderful job. The early days with a newborn are certainly busy and can be so tiring for everyone in the family.

This page https://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bf-info/your-baby-arrives/preparing-your-toddler-new-baby has some tips for the early days with a newborn and a toddler - scroll down to the heading "The first few days or weeks".

Our first two babies were 12 months apart and our second and third babies were 20 months apart. Some of the things we found helpful were:
- feeding or just holding the newborn while sitting up on the lounge while reading to the toddler/s while they sat next to me
- feeding lying down https://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bf-info/early-days/breastfeeding-while-lying-down on a safe surface, e.g. lying on the lounge-room floor feeding the baby while the toddlers play near us
- feeding while dozing/sleeping on a safe sleep surface http://cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/
- wearing the newborn in a sling/carrier/pouch http://www.mothersdirect.com.au/catalogue/slings-carriers-2 while playing with the toddler or attending to the toddler's needs (as a previous poster mentioned, some women can also feed the baby in a carrier)
- while the newborn sleeps, wearing the toddler to have some snuggling time while washing the dishes, hanging out the washing, cooking dinner, etc

You mentioned your baby fusses when you feed. Some of these ideas https://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bf-info/breast-refusal (scroll down to the heading "Things to do... to get your baby on the breast") might be helpful.

You really are doing a great job.

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Monicat
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Post by Monicat » Thu Aug 23, 2012 4:32 pm

I found going from one baby to two really hard, I felt like my toddler was missing out because of the newborn a lot. Plus the toddler is louder and hard to ignore. But the reality is the baby needs you more than the toddler at the moment. Dad having special time with the toddler for extra attention is great when they are so small, also dad holding the baby while he is home so you can have some one on one time with your toddler really helps them.

I have a friend who gave up breastfeeding her baby because her toddler wasn't happy with her sitting down and feeding the baby so much. (Baby was started on formula top ups then started fussing more and more at the breast until he refused the breast altogether as sucking from a bottle is much easier for babies.) While the first few months are hard and a newborn does require a lot of your time and attention, feeds do get quicker and before you know it a full feed will take 10 minutes and you will have plenty of time for both children.

A good solution I found was to feed while sitting on the lounge so I was still accessible to my older kids, and could read them a story or they could come and have a cuddle too. Also some snack food they can eat while I was feeding was useful too.
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Feebes
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Post by Feebes » Thu Aug 23, 2012 4:51 pm

Hugs, no judgement here :)
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