We're buggered!

A place for anyone who is supporting a breastfeeding mother - partners, siblings, friends, in laws, parents, etc.

Postby foggylog » Mon Mar 28, 2011 2:50 pm

my almost 4mth oldis waking 2hrly so i hear you. though last night he did a 4 and 3 hr stretch i feel so rested today :lol:

I think it can be quite normal, my DD who is now 22mths was all over the place with sleep until about 7-8mths then woke less frequently and by 12mth was sleeping all night.

plus i think some people have different ideas on sleeping through. I remember when DD was about 3mths a friend who had a 4mth old said her baby slept through from 7pm-7am, but after further enquiry she counted him as sleeping through even though she got up a few times during those hours to feed him. because he didn't fully wake and easily went back to sleep. I however think if i wake because the baby woke me for feed/comfort then it's not sleeping through. plus 5hrs is sleeping through at this age not 12 :wink:

I feed bub in bed with me, i sit up with pillows behind me and slowly lower myself so semi reclined, usually fall asleep, look at time when wake to decide if it's worth getting out of bed to try to get DS to sleep in cot (in our room), or stay in bed with me, usually after 4am he stays with me, as he has fed up to hrly from this time, and i can't often get a nap during the day due to toddler. though when she was a bub thats what kept me sane :D

big HUGS hope you and your wife canwork out something so you can get some more rest/sleep.

Preparing extra food so reheating is an option as well as letting cleaning standards decrease to bare minimum for a few mths/yr is also helpful. resting or looking after yourself (ie. eating, toileting, showering, sleeping) when bub does during the day are important, and doesn't last forever.
I was storked by the lovely ESTHER :)
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O = DS Dec 10, BFing
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Postby Scrapboy » Mon Mar 28, 2011 5:02 pm

Heya Cam's Dad
I can understand this, I always hated (and times still do) the feeling you get as you see your partner getting worn out feeding constantly, thinking theres nothing you can do, worse when they are sick. But being there and just walking/rocking baby, though may seem like not assisting, helps. It's a huge santity hit as you start to relish those 3hr sleeps, but it does get a easier as it goes on
I can remember my daughter's 5mth-7mth screaming to sleep, sort of like having Tool play live in the bathroom... but they get past it
i think my advice would be to support each other as much as you can (don't share icecream though, it's all yours)
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Postby Cam'sDad » Tue Mar 29, 2011 7:20 am

Thanks very much for your comments folks. I am quite surprised by the number of replies. Thanks also for your support and advice.
Its kinda comforting hearing from so many with advice that things are probably pretty normal - kinda comforting. I am pretty new to this parenting thing (ie zero previous expereience with any kids), and I've gotta say (naively) I didn't realise bubs generally only slept such short periods.
Anyway, in the same way adults have good and bad nights, I'd imagine its the same with bubs. Cam is a good boy the majority of the time - I've just become pretty sensitised - and I hate seeing my wife drained. But - I'll keep plodding along helping Lou out as much as I can. If nothing else, this thread has helped me adjust my expectations a bit.
Thanks again.
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Postby Nedsmum » Tue Mar 29, 2011 7:31 am

Well, best of luck and hang in there...

I found I hit a really low point around 6 weeks and again around 6 months, with all three of my kids, for no real reason except probably sheer exhaustion...

It does get better, but at the moment my favourite saying is 'prepare for a marathon, not a sprint'...

There aren't any magic solutions - I promise! - if there was, I think it's fair to say we'd all be using them!

However, there are lots of things you can do to try to balance the tiredness, lower your expectations regarding food/housework/shopping/going out/social events, and just sit back and enjoy your bubs as much as you can...

In our household we do mum/dad 'shifts' - anything from 8pm to 11pm is 'Dad's shift' and again from 5am to whenever dad leaves for work. My shift is the overnight one from 11pm to 5am, and generally involves having bubs sleeping next to me and feeding overnight as needed.

I know it can seem really awkward to co-sleep with a baby but I have three children and I can't imagine doing it any differently...I promise they do eventually move out...

There is so much advice. I'll leave it there...but read around the forum and I am sure you will find plenty more reassurance and ideas to fit your child as they grow...
Breastmilk - the ultimate 'brain food'!!!
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Postby JC » Sat Apr 02, 2011 7:58 pm

I remember reading a study on co-sleeping which found that both fathers and mothers got more sleep that way. I think it was about 45 minutes extra a day on average?

By the way, various bed attachments are available to help with co-sleeping arrangements, although I haven't used them.
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Postby Rachwa » Sat Apr 02, 2011 8:20 pm

Hi :)

We also have a 4 month old, exclusively breastfed. Thomas has had some longer stretches of sleep overnight (up to 8 hours but more often around 5-7) but lately 5 is the max he'll sleep consecutively. He is a bit drooly and irritable and I think his teeth are moving around which must affect his sleep.

A lot of people recommend and have success with cosleeping. It isn't something I'm comfortable with (husband is a deep sleeper and he rolls over and almost pushes me out of bed as it is!) so we don't do that. Thomas's cot is in our room though.

Some stuff that worked for us:

- offering more feeds during the day
- helping him to get to sleep early (around 6pm) and hitting the hay ourselves as early as possible. The earlier I get T to sleep the longer he stays asleep!
- not getting up every time he stirs (I never leave him to cry but I was previously getting him out of the cot every time he grunted - and he does get himself back to sleep often)
- feeding him as SOON as I was aware he wanted it, before he fully woke up if possible so I could get back to bed straight away!
(those last 2 seem mutually exclusive but the noises are a little different and if I pay attention I can tell the difference. I don't wake up to the little grunts anymore)
- cleaner once a fortnight (takes care of all the major stuff) and I do grocery shopping with T in the pram every few days (nice air conditioned walk and T usually sleeps...)

Good luck but it sounds like you're both doing a great job.
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Postby finallyhappy » Sun Apr 03, 2011 5:40 pm

JC wrote:I remember reading a study on co-sleeping which found that both fathers and mothers got more sleep that way. I think it was about 45 minutes extra a day on average?

By the way, various bed attachments are available to help with co-sleeping arrangements, although I haven't used them.



I remember that study too. It was 45 minutes. I know it doesn't seem like much but I can tell you that after over 7 years of sleep deprivation (don't worry, this is NOT the norm lol, I have a special needs child) that extra 45 minutes makes a HUGE difference.

My DD fed 2 hourly around the clock for the first 6mths and I found that remembering to eat properly and to drink enough water was helpful.

When my ex husband was home with me he would often bring me a glass of water while I was feeding so I would remember to drink it. He also often made dinner if he was home from work in time.

My dad also came around after my DS was born and made a heap of meals for the freezer for the times when I was too tired to cook, this was really helpful.

Welcome to the forum, it's wonderful to have some dads around.
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Postby sunny_days » Sun Apr 03, 2011 5:58 pm

The early months can be hard can't it? You know I was listening to a speaker (James McKenna) a few weeks ago who is an expert in normal sleeping habits. He was talking about how it can be a dangerous concept for society to make people feel that we should be aiming for long stretches at night. Babies are not designed for this and actually increases the risk of sids. The studies that people used to put together 'normal' sleeping habits were based on formula fed babies sleeping in a room by themselves, which in itself is not 'normal'. If you want to learn more about this Dr. James McKenna has done some great research in this area.
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Postby Carrie » Sun Apr 03, 2011 6:22 pm

Rachwa wrote:Thomas's cot is in our room though.
You may well be co-sleeping! Although co-sleeping includes bed-sharing, the definition of co-sleeping is "within arms reach". So, while obviously in your bed is likely to be within arms reach, a cot or crib close to your bed can also fit the critera. :wink:
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Postby sooty » Sun Jun 12, 2011 9:34 pm

Hiya Cam's Dad, and welcome to the forum. :o

All prior posts (pp) have said it all pretty much, yes it is normal for bubs to wake frequently during the night.

I just wanted to add, i had a bub with silent reflux (stomach contents moved freely up and down his oesophagus, but he never vomited). This affected both our sleep exponentially. I was at my wits end when a friend gave me a battery operated swing that swung sideways as well as back and forth. This meant that when i couldnt settle him and was too exhausted to keep him fully upright after a feed, i could put him in the swing next to my bed and turn it on. He got the relief he needed and got sleep and i got sleep. I dont know how i would have survived the first 9 months without it.

I hope you, your wife and cam have been able to take some ideas on board and found something that works for you all.

And when all else fails, my mantra is 'this too shall pass... This too shall pass...' :wink:

Theyre only little for a short time, cherish every moment.
Never make anyone a priority in your life, when you are only an option in theirs.
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Postby Emsmum » Sun Jun 19, 2011 7:57 pm

Hey Camsdad,
Just wondering how you guys are finding life now a few months on?
DD April 09
DS April 11



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Postby Scrapboy » Wed Jun 19, 2013 4:58 pm

still hanging in there?
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