Hello again ABA people!

For many reasons, some mothers find themselves being the sole parent of
their child or children. This category is for those who may be full time
solo parents or for those whose partners work away from home for extended
periods of time, and for every solo parenting situation in between!


Please be aware of our Forum Guidelines and be conscious of your personal
safety when posting.

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nilmerg
Posts: 536
Joined: Sun Dec 16, 2007 3:53 pm

Hello again ABA people!

Post by nilmerg » Thu Jan 03, 2013 3:43 pm

It saddens me greatly the be returning to the support of the lovely people on the ABA forum for help in my single parenting journey.

:shock: sorry that didn't sound right! I'm not sad to be back on the ABA forum because the people on here are great! I'm sad that I have become a single parent :( )

My xDH and I split up about 5 months ago and I'm struggling. Not so much with the split of the relationship, but with the children and issues with my ex. I'm hoping that I can hop on here and vent some of my frustrations occasionally and recieve some helpful and unbiased advice that may help me. I have always found the people on the ABA forum to be very like minded in terms of parenting approachs and to be such beautiful people. I think my friends (both RL and on FB) and pretty over hearing about my issues although they would never admit it, but it is hard form many of them having never been in this situation.

So Hello solo parents of the ABA forum - I look forward to getting to know you much better and to learn from your experiences.

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Feebes
Posts: 12555
Joined: Fri May 22, 2009 4:57 pm
Location: SA

Post by Feebes » Thu Jan 03, 2013 5:31 pm

Hi nilmerg

(I use to be Feebes, I remember you!)

I'm really sorry to hear that you're now a single parent.

FSO
DD 02
DS 05
DD2 2010

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New Hope
Posts: 2211
Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2007 3:27 pm

Post by New Hope » Thu Jan 03, 2013 5:37 pm

Hey!

It's tricky hey, people, and I agree with you no one truly understands until they've been through it. Let your friends help an listen though, they sound great. It is hard fir others to get, but they sound like they're trying.

Feel free to chat here!!

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Mummy woo!
Site Admin
Posts: 13644
Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 7:23 am
Location: NSW

Post by Mummy woo! » Thu Jan 03, 2013 5:52 pm

Hi Nilmerg!

Sorry to hear about you and XDH but I'm glad you found your way back here.

Are you and your XDH disagreeing about parenting, or is it more to do with how the kids are reacting to the split?

MW
It's OK Pluto, I'm not a planet either

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Esther
Posts: 11292
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2008 8:10 pm
Location: The better side of the river ;)

Post by Esther » Thu Jan 03, 2013 6:34 pm

*waves* Welcome back! Wish the circumstances were happier for you. Look forward to seeing you around :-D
Esther
DD1 05, DS 08, BB 11, DD2 12
Storked by nat*4
Storked Ellie's Mum, foggylog, jessiemay, Ducks & nat*4

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s squirrel
Posts: 11210
Joined: Tue Jan 01, 2008 8:55 pm
Location: Children reflect the treatment they receive

Post by s squirrel » Thu Jan 03, 2013 8:07 pm

Hello!
Sorry to hear about your split and the issues it's causing
Hugs
Xo
If you can't fly, then run,
if you can't run, then walk,
if you can't walk, then crawl,
but whatever you do you have to keep moving
forward.... – MLK

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nilmerg
Posts: 536
Joined: Sun Dec 16, 2007 3:53 pm

Post by nilmerg » Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:05 am

Thanks for all your warm welcomes. You brough a smile to my face already :)
Mummy woo! wrote:Hi Nilmerg!

Sorry to hear about you and XDH but I'm glad you found your way back here.

Are you and your XDH disagreeing about parenting, or is it more to do with how the kids are reacting to the split?

MW
We are disagreeing about the amount of time he should be having the kids. I'm making them fully available to him 24/7, but he is picking and choosing when he would like to have them, while still having them 'enough' time to suit the CSA. He works shifts and the rosta has no set pattern, so it is impossible to set a routine. I was diagnised with PND when DD2 was nearly one (so 2 years now) and I suspect xdh was suffering his own depression issues at that time, of course being a man he didn't acknoledge that and now his own metal issues are becoming a factor in our decisions. He isn't unstable and I have no worries about the kids being with him, but he is demanding less time with the kids so he can take more for himself. Which I can understand, but where does that leave me?

I'm seeking advice from the services offered by family relationship and parentline etc, so hopefully I can go in armed with better advice in which to resolve these issues. I think in the next month or so I will have to insist that we attend mediation and lay out a parenting plan, because I don't want to live with this hostility, I just want to get on and make the best for myself and my kids in a situation I never imagined myself to be in.

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marie7
Posts: 2406
Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2009 2:51 pm
Location: Adelaide

Post by marie7 » Fri Jan 04, 2013 11:12 am

Hugs and welcome back! Sorry it's not for better circumstances :(
DS APRIL 09 BF 2YRS DS2 FEB 12 BF
Number 3 on its way due 18 may!!
Fellare is storking me!! :)

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akinasmum
Posts: 1012
Joined: Thu Sep 22, 2005 8:56 pm

Post by akinasmum » Fri Jan 04, 2013 4:18 pm

I find less time = less interference. I am sure there is much more to it than what you typed. I hope you can find a resolution to suit everyone as best as it can.
Devil Womans Mum

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Mummy woo!
Site Admin
Posts: 13644
Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 7:23 am
Location: NSW

Post by Mummy woo! » Fri Jan 04, 2013 7:02 pm

nilmerg wrote:Thanks for all your warm welcomes. You brough a smile to my face already :)
Mummy woo! wrote:Hi Nilmerg!

Sorry to hear about you and XDH but I'm glad you found your way back here.

Are you and your XDH disagreeing about parenting, or is it more to do with how the kids are reacting to the split?

MW
We are disagreeing about the amount of time he should be having the kids. I'm making them fully available to him 24/7, but he is picking and choosing when he would like to have them, while still having them 'enough' time to suit the CSA. He works shifts and the rosta has no set pattern, so it is impossible to set a routine. I was diagnised with PND when DD2 was nearly one (so 2 years now) and I suspect xdh was suffering his own depression issues at that time, of course being a man he didn't acknoledge that and now his own metal issues are becoming a factor in our decisions. He isn't unstable and I have no worries about the kids being with him, but he is demanding less time with the kids so he can take more for himself. Which I can understand, but where does that leave me?

I'm seeking advice from the services offered by family relationship and parentline etc, so hopefully I can go in armed with better advice in which to resolve these issues. I think in the next month or so I will have to insist that we attend mediation and lay out a parenting plan, because I don't want to live with this hostility, I just want to get on and make the best for myself and my kids in a situation I never imagined myself to be in.
Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too, and be angry at the cake with you just continually making more cake or something (sorry, the metaphor started to break down there a bit, didn't it!)

Anyhoo, I'm sure you will be able to work something out with a bit of support from the family relationship centre. Good luck for working it all out.
It's OK Pluto, I'm not a planet either

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CD
Posts: 1903
Joined: Sat Jun 03, 2006 10:40 pm
Location: Qld

Post by CD » Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:47 pm

Hi. Welcome back although I wish the circumstances were different for you.
Last edited by CD on Thu Feb 07, 2013 8:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Breastfed 3yrs 7months

Westaussie77
Counsellor
Posts: 374
Joined: Sun Nov 18, 2007 6:12 pm
Location: Country WA

Post by Westaussie77 » Sun Jan 13, 2013 3:03 pm

Hello

Irregular rosters make it difficult. I am wondering if the Family Relationship Centre has some thoughts about this, I found having clear consistent arrangements with my XHusband made things easier.

Also having him attend a Positive Parenting Program for the age of our children helped too. The PPP gives realistic expectations around children and they are offered across the age groups.

Hope things work out well for you
Westaussie77

DD Nov 2003 - Breastfed 17mths
DS Nov 2005 - Breastfed 44mths
Solo Parent since April 2006


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