I can't keep secrets

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Re: I can't keep secrets

Postby Mummy woo! » Tue Jun 10, 2014 4:43 pm

Sleep tight fellare - hoping for some good news for you tomorrow.
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Re: I can't keep secrets

Postby fellare » Wed Jun 11, 2014 1:01 am

Please don't tell me being up, wide awake, at midnight is a pregnancy sign >.<

I'm sitting here feeling sick. I'm nervous about tomorrow. I'm nervous about how I'll react at the gp when he tells me the news. What if it's negative?? I won't know what to say. I doubt it will be negative. Why didn't I just buy another test???? I'm so tight with money now, I don't like it.
Seeing the gp at 8am. Got nothing planned for the rest of the day. Feel like good news warrants going out for lunch, which doesn't match with the being tight with money.
Gah. 7 hours to go. Never doing it this way again!!
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Re: I can't keep secrets

Postby Mummy woo! » Wed Jun 11, 2014 7:45 am

Nearly time!
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Re: I can't keep secrets

Postby Ronale » Wed Jun 11, 2014 8:24 am

You should be there now. Fingers, toes and everything else crossed for you
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Re: I can't keep secrets

Postby fellare » Wed Jun 11, 2014 8:37 am

Is negative :cry:

So, appointment was at 8. Of course, I'm nearly 10 min early and they kept me waiting outside until 8. After ten min in the waiting room in told the gp is sick. Next gp might be there in another ten.
No idea why I'm feeling nauseous. It's crazy. I hope it goes away now and that af shows up tomorrow. I'm sick of these irregular cycles.
Feeling numb. Sad. Bit stupid for getting my hopes up. Ah well, chances were slim to start with.
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Re: I can't keep secrets

Postby Andypandy » Wed Jun 11, 2014 8:48 am

Not trying to get your hopes up but you might not have enough hcg yet to register a positive test.

As hard as it sounds, give it a week and then test again if still no AF.
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Re: I can't keep secrets

Postby fellare » Wed Jun 11, 2014 8:54 am

Is 2 weeks 4 days past insemination, hcg was less than 2. I can't see how it would still be possible.
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Re: I can't keep secrets

Postby Mummy woo! » Wed Jun 11, 2014 8:58 am

Huge hugs Fellare. I know how much you wanted this. Be gentle with yourself today.
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Re: I can't keep secrets

Postby Andypandy » Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:02 am

aaaaah. OK. Less than 2 is probably a negative.

Sorry Fellare :(

In my experience as a long term TTCer, it can take a while to work out when you are ovulating and those pregnancy signs can be pretty convincing. I found anxiety over testing makes me nauseous.
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Re: I can't keep secrets

Postby fellare » Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:21 am

Well, the last insemination attempt was on the Tuesday
If I ovulated five days later, then conception would have been sunday. Which means I'd be only 10dpo.
Sigh. Messing with my head.

of course, the stupid voice of mum is telling me she's right and I'm not deserving of anything :evil: I'm sick of that voice.
I'm sick of my ex sending me hurtful emails.
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Re: I can't keep secrets

Postby Andypandy » Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:30 am

fellare wrote:Well, the last insemination attempt was on the Tuesday
If I ovulated five days later, then conception would have been sunday. Which means I'd be only 10dpo.
Sigh. Messing with my head.

of course, the stupid voice of mum is telling me she's right and I'm not deserving of anything :evil: I'm sick of that voice.
I'm sick of my ex sending me hurtful emails.


I think even if you were 10dpo you would have higher hcg than 2. The body normally has <5 and >25 indicates early stages of pregnancy. When women are due for AF they usually have around 150.

Sorry to be a killjoy but I don't want your head to be messed with.

As for your other thought: pregnancy is not a reward. Not getting pregnant is not a punishment because you are undeserving. It is just crappy luck and nature.

Repeat after me: it is just bad luck.
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Re: I can't keep secrets

Postby fellare » Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:43 am

It's not even bad luck. Normal couples have about 20% chance of luck on first go. It's much less when you have irregular cycles and even less again when you do it artificially. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up!
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Re: I can't keep secrets

Postby Andypandy » Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:44 am

Everyone gets their hopes up. You are allowed to.
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Re: I can't keep secrets

Postby fellare » Wed Jun 11, 2014 10:04 am

Just annoyed that my regular gp was sick so we couldn't discuss anything. Now I don't know what to do next. Or if there can be other reasons for the nausea and thrush like symptoms.
Far out! I'm glad they are still free.

Got an invitation to go to meet someone an hour drive away. That will be a nice distraction.
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Re: I can't keep secrets

Postby JMc » Wed Jun 11, 2014 10:42 am

I'm sorry, Fellare. It is so disappointing. I'm another long term ttcer and it is agony.

And about not getting your hopes up, I really think it is important to care passionately about things and to be vulnerable to the pain that disappointment brings. If you try not to get your hopes up you are still just as disappointed but you miss out on experiencing the joy of hope. And if you try to love this way long term you start to shut down your emotions and can no longe experience joy fully.

This baby is something you desire immensely. Of course you got your hopes up. We all did too. And we are sharing (partially) in your disappointment.
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