Bad bad ABA...

for threads that need to be deleted from the advocacy area in the future (time to be advised)
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Alice&Finn
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Post by Alice&Finn » Wed Aug 29, 2007 1:58 pm

Rosie Posie wrote:Ella combined with the telling off that she gave me via PM for expressing my views, it makes you wonder what she is getting up to behind the scenes.
Rowan, I can't believe she did this :shock: . Your posts have been respectful, interesting and relevant.... what was her problem? That really shocks me, surely harassing people via PM is not acceptable?
Rosie Posie wrote:I know this is a funny thing to ask, but does my point about advertising never reaching everybody make sense? Nobody has addressed it on that tread and I think that it is very relevant to the discussion that we are having. Perhaps I have not written it in a negative enough tone to get anybodies interest up?
Haha Rowan, it's true that the more controversial points to get picked up on, and the sensible, logical arguments tend to be overlooked. It is hard to answer every post though, it all happens so quickly on those heated threads.
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And our tiny angel baby who passed away at around 17wks gestation...I'm still waiting to hold you...

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ella
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Post by ella » Wed Aug 29, 2007 2:16 pm

OMG! did you see Milly's question about PM's???? (QUestions to Admin & mods)...Hmmm..wonder why she's worried about "staff reading them"???SO obvious that they are not something we would like to see!!
R 28/9/06 A 29/12/09

"The time in your arms, at your breast and in your bed is such a relatively short time, but your message of love and availability will last a lifetime"
Dr William Sears

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Nell
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Post by Nell » Wed Aug 29, 2007 2:29 pm

Someone should post and say - yes we can ALL read them!
My little boy was born 21 March, 2005

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charndra1
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Post by charndra1 » Wed Aug 29, 2007 2:33 pm

Thanks to the peopel saying nice things on that "N" thread - I wish (as usual) I hadn't even bothered.. once you know, it goes sour - which is inevitable.

I'm not going out there, my other friend is also not visiting atm, though I plan to PM all the people who said supportive things, and the ones who PM'ed me in fear of posting anything online in the next few days.

I'm really truly no longer finding anywhere but in here the "ABA forum" I joined, as it has been taken over by non-aba, non bf people who just attack and attack.

I'm thinking I might spend some time visiting the kellymom forum, perhaps that is safer, plus my EC forums are pretty safe too.

I feel like I keep going on these little 'breaks' and it is ridiculous - why don't I just leave for good as I get so demoralised and feel support only in secret areas of a minority forum in the first place? I think it's because I am stubborn - I refuse to et a bunch of contraries who love to argue boot me off somewhere that has really helped me, I think how dare they try so hard to demoralise us in the name of whatever crap they are spouting. I must NEVER break my rule of posting on a thread they visit.

I must ask if we can get the ignore feature added to the forum.
Charndra

Rosie Posie
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Post by Rosie Posie » Wed Aug 29, 2007 2:48 pm

Nell wrote: I know she doesn't want to hear us talk about our groups anymore (and isn't that helpful... :roll: ) but we are constantly getting new people in our groups and we have a MASSIVE waiting list for our BEC's - we can't be putting off too many people. People that are being turned off are people that already have their minds made up -someone here has said that already.
I know, I know. The same thing happens in our group. We have such high demand for the BECs. Something must be going right for the ABA. But, she knows women that don't attend because of the ABA image so therefore nobody wants to consult with ABA.

As other's have said, if only either of them would attend a meeting and actually see what ABA is all about.
Mum of two precious children

DS 13/05/05
DD 14/12/07

Saffsmum
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Post by Saffsmum » Wed Aug 29, 2007 6:22 pm

Re my post - go for it, Lizzy! I'm not up to it atm :cry: But will be :smt032 back to my old self soon!

S :D

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Post by Saffsmum » Wed Aug 29, 2007 6:26 pm

:oops: Oh sorry Lizzy you already did!

S :D

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eilis
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Post by eilis » Wed Aug 29, 2007 7:22 pm

Thanks, but not sure I should have! did you see the response!
So bloody sick of her! wish I could reply telling her to just shut up silly wench!

Im sitting on my hands, till I calm down :evil: :evil: then I might reply grrrrrrrr
"There is only one good, knowledge, and one evil, ignorance” Socrates
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Little Tiggermum
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Post by Little Tiggermum » Wed Aug 29, 2007 7:56 pm

what strikes me as really sad is that here you are, filled with passion and your biggest fight is on this very board. Really your battles should be outside ABA
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ella
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Post by ella » Wed Aug 29, 2007 10:11 pm

Grrr!!!

Why is she SO darn STUBBORN? why can't she just say "oops! sorry didn't mean to cause offense"!!!

She expects us to take constant critisism from her (which we do very well!) she's always blabbing on about how such & such is bad for Advocacy efforts "that just deepens the divide"..."creates an us vs them situation"

Well guess what lady YOU cause offense TOO!!! I wish she would take some of her own advice & consider how she expresses herself. I do believe that she does has some good suggestions, but sheesh! does she have to be SO critical & negative!

she sits there bossing us all around, but doesn't even bother to join the ABA FFS!!!!

I wonder if she visits mainstream forums & bosses everyone around there? correcting poor bf advice or ff misconceptions & explaining that such information is damaging to Bf??? highly farking unlikely! I'm so sick of it!!

Have some respect! Why does she think that AP parents never feel judged or vunerable? I can't even say I don't have a routine without someone accusing me of thinking I'm high & mighty & looking down my nose at those who do!

I'm so pissed! this thread has taken up TOO much of my time & energy!...and where the heck has it gottem me? nowhere!! it feels like it's just been an opportunity for isas to target lil ole me...bring me down a peg or two???

Grrr!!!!!! she's a mean bitter dried up sour puss!!!

Rant over! :roll:
R 28/9/06 A 29/12/09

"The time in your arms, at your breast and in your bed is such a relatively short time, but your message of love and availability will last a lifetime"
Dr William Sears

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charndra1
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Post by charndra1 » Thu Aug 30, 2007 7:20 am

Everyone-

I understand how you feel! I spent this morning 'arguing' in my head over inconsistencies in their attitude. Why bother?

On another forum this morning, somone said:
"I feel, there's no point talking to people who are not going to try and understand, but will just keep arguing.. Choose your battles!"

Ella, we've GOT to just ignore them = though they'll just yell ever louder I expect. The fact that there is one article mentioning AP and they are on this crusade to change it just makes me laugh.

We can also continue our postitive efforts. Screw them. I'm not a fanatic. They can endlessly imply we are, comparing us to her friend who was thoughtless as evidence, but I am tired of reading their drivel - it never changes. Yes, there are good ideas, but people here have suggested them (meaning the ABA forum), it pissed me no end that she claimed it was her idea to add all these new sections to the forum - what a power trip!

I have another idea I'm working on now and then, but need to get my new website running first before working on it - as it'll be fun, yet a reasonable amount of work.

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ella
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Post by ella » Thu Aug 30, 2007 8:25 am

I feel better about it all today! (after a very sleepless night!)

It looks like that thread may come to an end (Thanks Jenny!) I needed it to STOP...it felt like it was going to be a fight till death!! :roll:

I agree we can't change certain individuals, but I do plan to gently stop some of their language!

Alnog with being sick of hearing "Bf nazis" I also hate NEGATIVE, confidence diminishing & potentially damaging (muzzling) phrases like: "that will just cause an us vs them situation" "that just deepens the divide" "that will only alienate people more"...grrr!!

I popped a thread in about supporting Bf advocacy with POSITIVE reinforcement & gentle suggestions! PLEASE support my idea with suggestions!!! I'm cranky about how the "Bf is NORMAL. Deal with it" thread went...isn't anyone else sick of people fighting rather than coming up with positive action?

http://www.lrc.asn.au/forum/viewforum.php?f=16
R 28/9/06 A 29/12/09

"The time in your arms, at your breast and in your bed is such a relatively short time, but your message of love and availability will last a lifetime"
Dr William Sears

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ella
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Post by ella » Thu Aug 30, 2007 9:28 am

I've been reading up on positive teaching methods (isas claims to be here to "educate the educators"). I just came across something interesting: According to one expert, teachers need to resolve and explore personal feelings. If they feel negatively about their job (or in this case ABA organisation & it's members) then they will ONLY see negatives.

So, here's my question...how do we change isas's perception of the ABA? I think this is the key to getting her to make positive suggestions rather than just pick faults? If only she would subscribe, go along to a meeting & get INVOLVED!
R 28/9/06 A 29/12/09

"The time in your arms, at your breast and in your bed is such a relatively short time, but your message of love and availability will last a lifetime"
Dr William Sears

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Nell
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Post by Nell » Thu Aug 30, 2007 9:45 am

Maybe we need to start responding to her criticals with - thanks for your point of view isas its very interesting and always great to hear every ones points of view.

That way we are remaiing pleasant and supportive of the fact that she has something to say, but not necessarily engaging in arguements or allwoing the discussion to go on too much and get too heated. I always worry that people are going to come on and read our discussions and think - these ABA people do fight alot! If we can remain happy and "listening" we are not giving anyone any reason to think that it is our fault or we are the ones displaying any anger or frustration.

I received a PM from isas yesterday and I dealt with it by answering her questions (which yes may have read to be a little critical but I put a disclaimer on) but then my own part of the message was to thank her for the work she claims to do as a "breastfeeding advocate" and that it is really truly wonderful that she does that. (I also put it would be even more helpful if you were to support ABA by donation - ie $50 subscription) She came back at me with more attacks but at least it was seen that I did my best to keep the situation friendly....
My little boy was born 21 March, 2005

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charndra1
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Post by charndra1 » Thu Aug 30, 2007 9:46 am

She wont - ignores every suggestion to do so now, says she is a bf advocate (oh, an 'evolved' better one than us ) prolly cos she is so good at generating discussion. LOL. Seeing negatives - that is obviious. I do too - I see how she twists peoples words to appear negative and whatever, while telling them off for doing whatever -pointless prattle! Good lord, she said asking to not have the 'n' word is being like the frigging nazi's on that thread - and she can say that, of course! Sick of the place with her in it. Why does she get to be 'offended', insulting (always veiled) but we must be more evolved? Self righteous ugh... can't be bothered. I't's not the ABA out there anymore.

I share your frustration Ella. Perhaps you'd like to work with me on my idea?
Last edited by charndra1 on Thu Aug 30, 2007 9:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

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