The past 10 days

Sexual, physical and/or emotional abuse can unfortunately enter our lives at any time. Many people suffered as a child, for others the abuse only enters their lives as adults. Sometimes it is our loved ones suffering. Often pregnancy or the birth of a child can trigger these events. Substance abuse often plays a part. Your situation may be such that you need to talk to your health professional, or the police, but just telling someone who will listen can be helpful. We are not trained experts in this area of life, but we offer this forum as a supportive environment for you if and whenever you need it. No matter whether the abuse is new to your life, if it happened years ago, or has been ongoing - we are here to listen. *Please remember this is a public forum when posting details about yourself and your situation.
Post Reply
User avatar
Feebes
Posts: 12555
Joined: Fri May 22, 2009 4:57 pm
Location: SA

The past 10 days

Post by Feebes » Sun Jul 09, 2017 1:13 pm

The past week or so, has been horrific.

I found out on the Wednesday 28/06/2017 that four&out had passed away in a terrible plane crash. Her daughter died and the pilot.

I took 29-30/6/2017 off work, so all together had 4 days off which included the weekend.

Went back to work Monday & Tuesday and struggled. At one point, I just looked at my screen totally blank, couldn't remember what I was doing or where the files are on the computer. Generally its a autopilot thing, but nup. Just blank.

On Wednesday, I didn't get to work until 2pm, I am meant to start at 9am.

DD2 and DS had doctors appointments. They were total a@@es.

Took DD2 to the doctors at 10.15am. She has started to get eczema. So got the while spill on how to treat it etc. Couldn't get into the same doctor, so then at 11am, DS had his doctors appointment.

He has been sick for over 4 weeks. Virus/infection thing. Wasn't getting better, XDP was an a@@ and wouldn't listen to me telling him that he needed to go back, even though he was giving him meds that he wasn't prescribed for. :roll:

So now he's is getting tested for whooping cough, blood test and nasal swab.

He has a lump under his nipple which is better better and moving the nipple to the left side of this body. He had a scan for that 5 weeks ago, but there is a significant change. Got a pediatrician referral for that.

He hurt his foot at footy, so doctor looked at that. Needed an x-ray to rule out fractures, appointment for that was in an hour.

Took DS for blood test and nasal swab.

Went home and got DD2 lunch ready and dropped her off at school.

Took DS for his appointment and then dropped him off at his dad's work.

Went to the bike shop. Its DD'2 birthday the next day 06/07 and need to still pay off her bike and get it delivered. Was going to do that earlier in the day and get mum to meet them at my house, but plans went up to sh!t.

On the way to work, rang up for an appointment to get DD2's ears pierced for her birthday. She had been asking for months and it was 'the thing' that she wanted the most.

Got to work at 2pm. Ran out the door at 5.45pm as I had to pick DD and DS up from their dads. It was too busy for a birthday tea for DD2, so we had it on the 05/07. Picked up pizza.

Got him, scoffed that down. Out the door again to the chemist to get $36 worth of stuff for DD2's eczema. Then to the shop to buy the bits n pieces for DD's birthday, wrapping paper, helmet etc.

Got home.

On the 06/07, the NBN man was coming at even though we had changed over from broadband to the NBN (can I say NBN on here :-k ) on 30/07, we had zip zero internet. So I had to stay at home and wait for them to come from 0800-1200. Mum was busy and no one else to let him in, so more time off.

Finally he came here and then I could go to work, but via the bakery cause someone wanted a pie. I'm too bl00dy soft and got it. :roll:

Also on the way to work, got the mail and did some stuff at the bank for work.

Got to work at 1.10pm, only to have to leave at 1.45pm to get to the drs where XDP and DS were meeting me, had to get xray results.

Boss says not to come back, its all good. To come back Friday, 07/07.

Come home, kids aren't here and I seriously need a nap. Get comfy, kids are on the door step.

Get up on 07/07. Get to work. Super struggling with the past few days with not being at work and feeling very guilty about that and also still in high state of grief and shock.

I walked into my bosses office and then this is how it goes

Me: Good morning
Her: Good morning
Me: You sound sick (in a empathetic manner)
Her: Yes, you've not been here. I've been doing my job plus yours. Does that make you feel bad?

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

Well, that was it. That is what broke the camels back.

I said 'forget it' and just walked straight out of work. No goodbye or anything, I was in a very distressed way.

Who says that to someone, they are fully aware of what has been going on. Her DH was the first paramedic of the crash.

Rang my friend and she didn't answer her phone, so I went to mum's.

I opened her door and just sobbed and cried and sobbed, like a heart breaking cry, doubled over. Mum was like move away from the door before someone thinks that you're being murdered. :roll: :? :shock:

So I flop on her bed with just cried and cried.

Then the phone rings, my boss and rung my mum. :shock: :roll:

It wasn't a 'is she ok' kind of call, it was she has to get back here to do her work. :roll: :twisted: :shock: :smt021 :smt030 :smt062 :smt065 :smt066 :smt076 :smt074 :smt073

Well, that is what Mum said anyway, plus my boss told mum that if I did that anywhere else (leaving without saying goodbye), that I would of been sacked. :twisted: :cry:

Boss asked to speak to me, but was still crying and beyond talking to someone on the phone.

Mum hung up and mum says basically that I have to go back to work cause they are relying on me. Can mum not see that I am in no shape or form to even work???

I said to mum what my boss had said to me and in what tone, but it wasn't like she even thought that it was cruel and that she is my boss and has every right to speak to me like that because she depends on me. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

WTF?

So I raged and left. Like for heavens sake. I told mum that she needed to think about me and advocate for me and my health etc. Why do I have to do this stuff alone? :cry:

So then I went to a friends house and balled a bit more. Got a text message from a staff member. My boss had asked her to message me because if I didn't return to work, that the situation would 'escalate'.

My friend was great, got the tissues out and a cup of tea. We are very close friends of four&out, so we totally understood each others grief.

To cover my a@@, I rang out head office. Just wanted to say I know that xyz is due, not there due to medical stuff etc. No one was there to tell, day off, on leave etc.

So after a while and I was more 'with it' and rational, I rang my boss.

The conversation went ok, and I told her that her comment was 'cruel'. Well it was, who makes someone feel guilt because they haven't been there due to sick kids and the loss of a close friend???

So there is no repercussions for my actions, she said sorry for what she said. Where's her repercussions for being an insensitive a@@?

So off to the doctors I went. Normally I'd ring four&out and she would come with me to be my support, but she wasn't there. :cry:

Doctor was fantastic. He gave me a doctors certificate up and until the 14/07 and my AD's have been doubled.

Its been a horrible and emotional time. The grief is awful. I still can't believe that she has gone, but I am also so glad for the friendship and times that we had.

Feebes
DD 02
DS 05
DD2 2010

User avatar
Ronale
Counsellor
Posts: 1816
Joined: Sat Nov 20, 2010 12:08 pm
Location: Melbourne

Re: The past 10 days

Post by Ronale » Sun Jul 09, 2017 2:07 pm

!@~@~!group hug !@~@~!group hug !@~@~!group hug
It's great your GP has been supportive and given you a certificate until the 14th. hopefully this gives you some space.

If you have capacity between now and then, you can try to call HO and talk to them about your horrid boss. No-one should treat another like that. You're not trying to be difficult or skive off work, you're grieving a very close friend who has been there for you forever and is gone suddenly.

Maybe we should all head over and have a chat with your boss... :smt064 :smt075 :smt066 :smt077 style??
DS 06.10
DS2 01.13
DS3 07.15 Storked by the fantabulous moOKI

User avatar
Feebes
Posts: 12555
Joined: Fri May 22, 2009 4:57 pm
Location: SA

Re: The past 10 days

Post by Feebes » Sun Jul 09, 2017 3:00 pm

Ronale wrote:!@~@~!group hug !@~@~!group hug !@~@~!group hug
It's great your GP has been supportive and given you a certificate until the 14th. hopefully this gives you some space.

If you have capacity between now and then, you can try to call HO and talk to them about your horrid boss. No-one should treat another like that. You're not trying to be difficult or skive off work, you're grieving a very close friend who has been there for you forever and is gone suddenly.

Maybe we should all head over and have a chat with your boss... :smt064 :smt075 :smt066 :smt077 style??
:smt023

My friend already offered that, but in a more subtle *f54k you* kind of way, but really just to say look I don't think that you quite understand that situation that Feebes is in and I don't think that you have no idea how close she was for four&out.

My other friend who is in management is just appalled and disgusted.

I think that I am disappointed in my mum for thinking that it was totally 'ok' for my boss to talk to me like that, even DD thinks that its ok. Has the world gone mad? Just because she is your boss and can fire you, does not mean at all that she has any right to speak to me like that, not one bit.

:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

Feebes
DD 02
DS 05
DD2 2010

User avatar
Feebes
Posts: 12555
Joined: Fri May 22, 2009 4:57 pm
Location: SA

Re: The past 10 days

Post by Feebes » Sun Jul 09, 2017 3:08 pm

Ronale wrote:!@~@~!group hug !@~@~!group hug !@~@~!group hug
It's great your GP has been supportive and given you a certificate until the 14th. hopefully this gives you some space.

If you have capacity between now and then, you can try to call HO and talk to them about your horrid boss. No-one should treat another like that. You're not trying to be difficult or skive off work, you're grieving a very close friend who has been there for you forever and is gone suddenly.

Maybe we should all head over and have a chat with your boss... :smt064 :smt075 :smt066 :smt077 style??
I did try and call them on Friday, mainly to cover my bum.

I know that I have deadlines that have to be met (no one else to do that job), but I was going to ring and say that is what is going on, got next week off but I will do xyz in order to meet the deadlines, plus drop a few lines about my boss.

Now that my boss has apologised ( :| :? ) for her comment and there will be no ramifications for my actions, I dunno if there is any point in ringing them. Because my boss and I have to work so closely together, we don't have a choice to work well together.

I am p!ssed that I have supported my boss so much, including our terrible staff morale which has been ongoing more now years ( :roll: :twisted: ), and this is the way that I get treated.

I'd never speak to someone like that, its just not in me to do that.

I totally get that she is under pressure and more so with me not being there, but that was just awful.

I have no idea what to do about HO?? Is there a point to ringing them? What will they do? How will I be perceived for my actions?

](*,) :smt009 :smt120 :smt119 :smt090

Feebes

Feebes
DD 02
DS 05
DD2 2010

User avatar
Feebes
Posts: 12555
Joined: Fri May 22, 2009 4:57 pm
Location: SA

Re: The past 10 days

Post by Feebes » Sun Jul 09, 2017 3:12 pm

She says strange things to other staff as well.

A few months ago, a staff member was having unexpected surgery for cancer. My boss was annoyed that she had to find people to cover the persons shifts. She told the sick person on the phone 'enjoy your holiday'.

I've heard stuff, seen stuff. This was way too close to home and felt like an attack towards me.

Feebes
DD 02
DS 05
DD2 2010

User avatar
Mummy woo!
Site Admin
Posts: 13644
Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 7:23 am
Location: NSW

Re: The past 10 days

Post by Mummy woo! » Sun Jul 09, 2017 6:45 pm

Hey Feebes

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. You won't feel like this forever, but it is really hard while you are going through this grieving process. I'm glad the GP has given you some time, hopefully you will be more 'with it' when you go back to work.

I'd leave things well alone with your boss. Sometimes life just isn't fair, and sometimes people are rude and insensitive and there isn't really a remedy for that. I'm a mid-level manager, and I am the one who has to go to work if there is someone missing from my team, come hell or highwater. That means I go if I'm sick, I go if my kids are sick and DH has to stay home (and then his manager is cross with him that I don't do what is 'my share') I'd hate to think one of my team would be able to go over my head to complain because I snapped at them after I'd been covering for their absences. You won't look like the injured party if you complain about this particular instance.

It sounds like this is more than a one-off, but I still don't think you will get far from making a complaint. These things always end up with mud flung about everywhere - noone comes up looking clean. Better off looking around for another job where the culture is a bit kinder because you won't change your boss, and you will get hurt if you try.

You have an apology from her, which is more than I would have expected tbh. Just get back to work when your certificate runs out, do a great job and start looking around for other options. You'll find something that suits you better, and in the meantime keep your head down.

Rest well

MW xx
It's OK Pluto, I'm not a planet either

User avatar
Feebes
Posts: 12555
Joined: Fri May 22, 2009 4:57 pm
Location: SA

Re: The past 10 days

Post by Feebes » Sun Jul 09, 2017 9:46 pm

So MW, you think that leave sleeping dogs lie?

I actually really like where I work and the residents, but my boss is all over the shop. :?

Feebes
DD 02
DS 05
DD2 2010

freerange
Posts: 1500
Joined: Thu May 11, 2006 1:45 pm

Re: The past 10 days

Post by freerange » Mon Jul 10, 2017 7:04 pm

I agree with MW, your boss has been weird in the past but keeps working there. Take your apology from her as a line in the sand and try and go back to 'normal'.

Work never cares about deaths, if you don't have the leave you have to suck it up and continue on - VERY unfair, but definitely how it is.

User avatar
Mummy woo!
Site Admin
Posts: 13644
Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2008 7:23 am
Location: NSW

Re: The past 10 days

Post by Mummy woo! » Tue Jul 11, 2017 6:54 am

Sorry Feebes - have just got back online. Definitely leave it. It might be the toughest thing you ever do to put your game face on and go back to work with someone who has upset you, but likely the best outcome all-round. Especially if you really like the other aspects of the job. Think of it as a cost of doing business - every job has a downside.
It's OK Pluto, I'm not a planet either

Post Reply