terrible mum

Sexual, physical and/or emotional abuse can unfortunately enter our lives at any time. Many people suffered as a child, for others the abuse only enters their lives as adults. Sometimes it is our loved ones suffering. Often pregnancy or the birth of a child can trigger these events. Substance abuse often plays a part. Your situation may be such that you need to talk to your health professional, or the police, but just telling someone who will listen can be helpful. We are not trained experts in this area of life, but we offer this forum as a supportive environment for you if and whenever you need it. No matter whether the abuse is new to your life, if it happened years ago, or has been ongoing - we are here to listen. *Please remember this is a public forum when posting details about yourself and your situation.
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DigDig
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terrible mum

Post by DigDig » Thu Nov 12, 2015 12:10 pm

Been yelling at my 2 1/2yo dd a lot over the last 2 days.
She gets easily distracted (which I know is normal at this age) but has been trying on me. Poor thing even jumped out of her skin yesterday one time when I yelled.

I feel really really bad, I yelled soooo much, and DH isn't around and really the things I yelled over weren't so bad that I needed to yell.... It is just this week has been emotionally hard for a few reasons, and I've been tired, and I think DD is often tired (still adjusting to DD2) and I just lost my patience a lot quicker than normal (after I was still feeding her dinner after 1 hr I kinda lost it when she got distracted.. she normally takes a long time which is hard enough but last night was hard... especially given it was late for her and she hadn't napped all day...)

Does anyone have any tips on how to help a toddler focus on what you want them to focus on, especially when they are tired? Things like eating and getting dressed, she often ignores me when she is focused on something and I'm trying to get her attention too.

Feeling like such a terrible terrible mum today.....
DD - BF 23 months 4 1/2yrs
DD2 - BFeeding

Jenbt85
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Re: terrible mum

Post by Jenbt85 » Thu Nov 12, 2015 12:50 pm

That was me two days ago. You're not a terrible mum, just human. I have no tips other than to reduce the pressure on you and your toddler as much as you can. We won't be the last people to ever yell at them. ;)
DS - bf 18.5 months (565 days)!
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Esther
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Re: terrible mum

Post by Esther » Thu Nov 12, 2015 12:52 pm

Huge hugs. You are not a terrible mum, but events can certainly conspire to make any of us feel that way.

I don't have any tips, sorry. I guess if they're tired (and you're tired), paring things back to utter essentials and save the rest for after some sleep?

Hang in there xo
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ClOuD_NiNe
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Re: terrible mum

Post by ClOuD_NiNe » Fri Nov 13, 2015 10:48 pm

Hugs, I've been there too. I make sure we have an early dinner to account for procrastination time so my kids can still get to bed on time. When they're tired I still have to walk them through everything... Getting dressed means physically doing it for them (yes, even still for my 4 year old). I find talking to them about their day as I'm doing it helps, it seems to help them focus a little and makes them less likely to want to flop around like a deranged goldfish.

The eating part, if they're really tired at dinner I'll also help feed them. My 4 year old is getting better but my 2.5 year old has no focus for food when she's tired. I'll sometimes even sit her on my lap and feed her if she is really over it.
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DigDig
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Re: terrible mum

Post by DigDig » Tue Nov 17, 2015 7:07 pm

Thanks everyone. It is tricky. It's really reassuring to know that it is not just me. So hard sometimes though. In getting better at it but still tricky.
DD - BF 23 months 4 1/2yrs
DD2 - BFeeding

chiggins
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Re: terrible mum

Post by chiggins » Tue Nov 17, 2015 9:34 pm

They say we only have to get it right 30% of the time to be a "good parent"...
Don't beat yourself up, we've all been there! Toddlers are hard work at the best of times ](*,)
DD - Nov 2013
DS1 - Apr 2015
DS2 - Jun 2016 (BFing like a champ!)

DigDig
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Re: terrible mum

Post by DigDig » Tue Nov 17, 2015 10:16 pm

chiggins wrote:They say we only have to get it right 30% of the time to be a "good parent"...
Don't beat yourself up, we've all been there! Toddlers are hard work at the best of times ](*,)
That's a really good way of looking at it. I need to try and practice it.
DD - BF 23 months 4 1/2yrs
DD2 - BFeeding

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Yankee
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Re: terrible mum

Post by Yankee » Thu Nov 19, 2015 8:54 pm

Big hugs! I find that sometimes I have to get back to basics and stop what I'm doing, kneel down to DD's level, get her full attention with eye contact before anything sinks in. With DD, at least, I find that when she's focussed on something than nothing I say cuts through unless I can actually secure her attention first.

I'm also finding that for most things, 'counting to three' is really working. I tell her what happens if I get to three and although I give her a lot of leeway on getting to three I try to follow through if she doesn't respond. I try to pick my battles though because it doesn't always work.

And on those days when nothing seems to work and I lose the plot, I try to be open with her about how I'm feeling. Once I get a grip on myself I actually tell her 'I'm sorry I yelled, mummy is frustrated today', or 'mummy is in a bad mood today'. So she knows that even grown ups struggle with big feelings and that's ok too!
DD born September 2013

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