Death and kids

A place for support when the unthinkable happens and we lose a loved one.
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Snake Hips Mcroy
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Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2013 6:32 pm

Death and kids

Post by Snake Hips Mcroy » Tue Jul 15, 2014 7:49 pm

Can anyone recommend any good kids books about death?

We are surrounded by it at the moment. My friend just lost her 4 month old to SIDS. My other friend's 12 month old has leukaemia and not responding well to treatment. My MiL is on life support at the moment with emphysema. Looks like she may just pull through this time but I don't think we have long. (OMG it's been a full on time)

Add to that, my 3 year old is asking so so many questions about death:
- Did the chicken we eat die? Why?
- Are you going to die mum?
- Look, I 'died' a cockroach mum.
- What happens when you die?
- Why do people get old?

I can't decide whether to take him to see his grandma at the hospital. Is it good for him to see her? Or is it jut scary and confusing? I know if we do go, he'll come back with a million hard questions. I always try to answer as honestly as I can, with about the same level of detail as his question. But honestly, I don't know what happens when you die.
DS1 - born May 2011, breastfed for 26 months
DS2 - born Dec 2013, breastfeeding like a champ

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Andypandy
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Joined: Tue Feb 09, 2010 6:43 pm
Location: Perth

Re: Death and kids

Post by Andypandy » Tue Jul 15, 2014 7:54 pm

Grandad and Willie - not sure by who though

I am sorry you are going through so much.
DS1: May 09 Breastfed 2y7m
DS2: Oct 2012 Breastfed 2y1m I am pretending he is weaned
DD: Feb 2015

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MamaMagoO?
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Location: In my own little world most of the time

Re: Death and kids

Post by MamaMagoO? » Tue Jul 15, 2014 7:59 pm

There is a lovely book called 'Beginnings and Endings and Lifetimes in between'. We found it helped us talk about death with Little Magoo when he was younger. I'm sure it would still be useful now but we haven't needed it.

Hugs. It sounds like a lot to go through.
Little Magoo 07/08. Breastfed for 3yrs3mths.
Miss Magoo 10/11. Breastfed for 4yrs3mths.

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Esther
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Location: The better side of the river ;)

Re: Death and kids

Post by Esther » Tue Jul 15, 2014 9:12 pm

MamaMagoo wrote:There is a lovely book called 'Beginnings and Endings and Lifetimes in between'. We found it helped us talk about death with Little Magoo when he was younger. I'm sure it would still be useful now but we haven't needed it.

Hugs. It sounds like a lot to go through.
Huge hugs SHM

^^^This book is lovely.

I also think it's OK to answer what you are comfortable with. I absolutely think it's also OK to say "I don't know" when the questions get too hard. You and DS could maybe talk about what you think might happen. He might have some ideas too? I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to any of this, it's what makes sense to you at the time. And it can change.

I also feel for me that it's important that my children learn about death and loss from me, while I can help them, and they are surrounded by those that love them. I think family (and friends who are part of your family) is about more than just the good times.
Esther
DD1 05, DS 08, BB 11, DD2 12
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Storked Ellie's Mum, foggylog, jessiemay, Ducks & nat*4

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Tilly
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Joined: Wed Feb 23, 2011 12:23 pm
Location: Sydney

Re: Death and kids

Post by Tilly » Tue Jul 15, 2014 10:04 pm

The Memory Tree by Britta Trenkentrup is just gorgeous and highlights how memory lives on. It is beautifully illustrated. Beautiful words. Highly recommend.
Proud Mummy of two gorgeous girls....

Jasmine 25th June 2008
Matilda 9th March 2011

A+D
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Joined: Thu Jul 15, 2010 2:28 pm
Location: WA

Re: Death and kids

Post by A+D » Wed Jul 16, 2014 2:46 pm

We've had 3 deaths in close family in the last 6 months, we have been answering the what happens when you die question with the concept of heaven, though I am a non practicing Catholic, so that sits fine with me, followed up with no one knows what heaven is like because no one can come back. Having my 4yo at my dads funeral actually made the day for me, he wanted to know how the fancy big black car could drive to heaven, amongst other thinhgs. I chose not to take the kids to see him in hospital though as DH has bad memories of seeing his grandfather when he was dying and DH was quite young, we would rather the kids vague memories of him are happy ones. Hope you are traveling ok with all of that going on in your life.
Mum to
DS1 - Nov 2009
DD1 and DS2 - Oct 2011
DD2 - Dec 2013

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fellare
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Re: Death and kids

Post by fellare » Wed Jul 16, 2014 3:14 pm

big hugs!
Boobymonster weaned at 3.5yrs.
Ms Firestorm born august 2015
Whatever you perceive to believe, dream.... be free.... (eMDee)

Pigglet
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Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2014 12:58 pm

Re: Death and kids

Post by Pigglet » Wed Jul 16, 2014 3:22 pm

Tilly wrote:The Memory Tree by Britta Trenkentrup is just gorgeous and highlights how memory lives on. It is beautifully illustrated. Beautiful words. Highly recommend.
I second The Memory Tree. It's a beautiful book that doesn't have religious overtones (if that's important to you)
DD1 Sept 2010 BF 21 months
DD2 Jan 2013 still BF

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