an anglican funeral

A place for support when the unthinkable happens and we lose a loved one.
User avatar
jessles
Posts: 7140
Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2008 4:58 pm
Location: Just ask hubby..... he'll tell you I'm in forum land

Post by jessles » Thu May 09, 2013 8:35 am

If it's not too late, you could ring the church and see whether there is a creche or something where you can still hear/see the funeral and your kids can go too. Otherwise depending on how the church is set up, often you can sit up the back of the churches.

I would be taking the kids with me, but then I've really only been to 1 family funeral and I was encouraged to take the kids too.

User avatar
Yankee
Posts: 2080
Joined: Thu Apr 11, 2013 11:53 am
Location: Melbourne

Post by Yankee » Thu May 09, 2013 11:51 am

I was raised Episcopalian (the American version of Anglicanism), and it was something of a running joke about how much we loved to integrate standing, sitting and kneeling throughout the service .... and how that can be confusing and alienating for someone who wasn't raised in the church.

But don't worry if you don't want to stand while singing. Same with kneeling - if people kneel for prayers and you don't want to pray, just sit quietly, don't feel like you need to pretend to pray.
DD born September 2013

User avatar
s squirrel
Posts: 11210
Joined: Tue Jan 01, 2008 8:55 pm
Location: Children reflect the treatment they receive

Post by s squirrel » Thu May 09, 2013 12:06 pm

Momi, my DH is working away ATM, and I've been to 2 funerals since he went. I've had to take both kids both times.
One was for my great aunt - she was 100, and the other for my GF's dad who had a very unexpected heart attack.
I bought a big coloring book for each child and some C*****a washable textas for them to colour in with. It worked well :-D
As far as hymns go, my mum won't sing - she hums.
I sing because I went to a church of England/Anglican boarding school and we had chapel 5 times a week :lol: I know the songs/hymns by heart :wink:
I had to take the kids to a funeral when DS was about 18months old - he was in the pram and I put Shaun the sheep and tractor Tom on my phone via YouTube, I had the volume on the lowest possible setting and it worked a treat. Even I, with perfect hearing could only just hear a "white noise", I don't think anybody else even knew I'd given him my phone to "watch"
Hope it all goes as well as possible.
In my experience people have welcomed my children at a funeral as a PP said, it reminds people of where they were, where they are, and where they're going to go.... we were all children once, and we will all pass on at some stage.
Much :smt049 and many hugs
Xoxox
If you can't fly, then run,
if you can't run, then walk,
if you can't walk, then crawl,
but whatever you do you have to keep moving
forward.... – MLK

serenity now
Posts: 1403
Joined: Tue May 18, 2010 8:30 pm

Post by serenity now » Thu May 09, 2013 2:13 pm

I'm sorry for your loss. Last week I attended my Grandad's funeral and it was Anglican. I didn't take my 3 year old son but my 6 year old and 14 month old came along. My mother-in-law helped with DS3 by taking him outside when he was restless. I stood during the hymns and prayer but didn't sing or pray as I was too upset. This is coming from someone who isn't religious but I don't think it would be noticeable if you didn't participate.
I regret not taking DS2 as he would have been welcomed even if he had been very unsettled and rowdy. When my Nanna died, I took DS1 and DS2 to the funeral and they were wonderful despite being almost 3 and 3 months. They were a welcome distraction and everyone lavished attention on them. In your position, I'd be taking the kids and, if possible, someone to help with them .

User avatar
breastfeedingisnormal
Counsellor
Posts: 3731
Joined: Thu Jun 01, 2006 4:42 pm
Location: Central Coast NSW

Post by breastfeedingisnormal » Thu May 09, 2013 3:36 pm

Hi Momi,
I go to an Anglican church every week. I think you're in Sydney, right? Sydney Anglicans are not really like Anglicans anywhere else in Australia (or most of the rest of the world, really!) My church is more like a Sydney Anglican Church than the Anglican Church in the next suburb. They're pretty laid back in Sydney when it comes to ritual or significant things. (I'd be surprised if the minister/s are even wearing vestments - probably just a suit with a clerical collar and maybe a white surplus over the top.) They stand up to sing basically just to keep everyone engaged/awake and because it's easier to sing standing than sitting. Taking the kids is not likely to be a problem. If I were you, I'd sit near the aisle or towards the back where there's some room for the kids to move about a bit. Take some crayons/paper, small food (takes longer to eat), books, little cars, that sort of thing. Most people will just be pleased to see kids being kids - it's very life-affirming to see kids at funerals, you know.
I assume you (and DH) will be wearing clothing that mark you as muslims, so be prepared for someone to ask you about your faith/beliefs. I hope it doesn't happen - because funerals are for grieving, rather than sharing, right? - but just be aware that there are insensitive zealots in every faith community. (Sorry about that xxx!)
eta: sit or stand, I don't think anyone will care ...
also eta: electronic device would be fine so long as it's on silent
go gently
n
Breastfeeding Counsellor
Cert IV BE (Community & Counselling)
Cert IV TAA
PhD
Mum 2 J18 N15 E13

User avatar
momi
Posts: 6439
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 2:04 pm
Location: stepping out of my comfort zone
Contact:

Post by momi » Thu May 09, 2013 4:50 pm

thank you ladies for your words of comfort and support and also for sharing some of your experiences with me, i really appreciate it.
unfortunately, we have been told that there is to be no children at the funeral so i will be leaving them both behind. the church is somewhere in wollongong, not sure where.
i am going to tone down my dress so as not to be confronting, so no black for me tomorrow. although it is a bit ironic that i wear black every day but am changing that for a funeral :? most of the attendees are likely to be quite elderly and i don't want to shock anyone.
trying to focus on things other than the cremation :cry:
thank you all for being here xxx

User avatar
Capricious
Trainee
Posts: 10120
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2008 4:23 pm
Location: Brisbane QLD

Post by Capricious » Thu May 09, 2013 4:54 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss Momi. I'm sure just being your beautiful, wonderful self will be just perfect to celebrate his life and your love for him.
Image

User avatar
breastfeedingisnormal
Counsellor
Posts: 3731
Joined: Thu Jun 01, 2006 4:42 pm
Location: Central Coast NSW

Post by breastfeedingisnormal » Thu May 09, 2013 5:54 pm

No kids. Wow. No black. Wow. Sorry. No really, sorry. People can be horrid.
Breastfeeding Counsellor
Cert IV BE (Community & Counselling)
Cert IV TAA
PhD
Mum 2 J18 N15 E13

User avatar
Esther
Posts: 11292
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2008 8:10 pm
Location: The better side of the river ;)

Post by Esther » Thu May 09, 2013 5:56 pm

Sorry for your loss. I hope the service is a fitting tribute to his life and I hope is a far less stressful experience than you fear xo
Esther
DD1 05, DS 08, BB 11, DD2 12
Storked by nat*4
Storked Ellie's Mum, foggylog, jessiemay, Ducks & nat*4

User avatar
momi
Posts: 6439
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 2:04 pm
Location: stepping out of my comfort zone
Contact:

Post by momi » Thu May 09, 2013 6:08 pm

thank you.

N, the black is my choice not theirs x

i have not had to think of what to wear out in almost 6 years :o how do people do this every day!!
do i go with cream and brown or navy and grey? :wink:

User avatar
Esther
Posts: 11292
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2008 8:10 pm
Location: The better side of the river ;)

Post by Esther » Thu May 09, 2013 6:15 pm

I'm sure you will be respectfully dressed in whatever you wear. Maybe if not black, grey or navy? But that's just me...Actually the last funeral I attended (not in a religious venue), there weren't actually very many people in black. But it was for a much younger person :( I'd go darker colours, but that's just me!
Esther
DD1 05, DS 08, BB 11, DD2 12
Storked by nat*4
Storked Ellie's Mum, foggylog, jessiemay, Ducks & nat*4

User avatar
momi
Posts: 6439
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 2:04 pm
Location: stepping out of my comfort zone
Contact:

Post by momi » Thu May 09, 2013 6:19 pm

thanks Esther, maybe the navy then. i will be wearing a long light grey jacket with it because it is going to be freezing by my standards.

i should get off the forum, have 1700 words to write before I can sleep :?

User avatar
Monicat
Posts: 3190
Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 12:38 am
Location: Perth, WA

Post by Monicat » Thu May 09, 2013 8:41 pm

I don't think you should have to tone down what you wear to go to a funeral, most people (I know) are quite respectful of other peoples religious beliefs. I am not an Anglican but if I were attending a funeral and you came dressed as you normally did it certainly wouldn't worry me, nor would I take it as any kind of affront to Christianity.

(Just out of curiosity what do you normally wear?) We have a very multicultural school and there are so many different women from different countries and also different religions. I love seeing what they all wear we have everything from the lovely bright bold colours the African women wear to Muslim women wearing lovely delicate decorated hijabs etc and nearly everything in between!

FWIW I went to an Church service when my niece was Christened, I just didn't participate in the parts of the service I didn't believe in (singing hymns, taking the wine/bread etc) no-one cared to be honest :)
Image

User avatar
momi
Posts: 6439
Joined: Fri Oct 26, 2007 2:04 pm
Location: stepping out of my comfort zone
Contact:

Post by momi » Thu May 09, 2013 9:03 pm

Monicat - I normally wear niqab, the face veil and although I do show my hands and eyes I am usually al in black. I appreciate your words about enjoying seeing other cultures dress, the reason I am going to tone it down is due to the act that many elderly people there will never have seen it before and my intention is to ensure that everyone is comfortable. I also know for a fact that a few people there are very intolerant so I am dothis in the best interests of all attending, I don't.want there to be a scene etc it is a time of mourning and honoring the life of someone much loved to me and mine and if I dressed the way I usually do then I feel all eyes would be on me and it would detract from the essence of the day if that makes sense at all.

User avatar
Penguin
Posts: 10031
Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2010 3:21 pm
Contact:

Post by Penguin » Thu May 09, 2013 9:31 pm

momi I think that is very kind and considerate of you; I hate that you're in that position though :(
DD1 May 2011
Super baby Dec 2013
DD2 Feb 2015 Storked by Parla.
Proud storker: michansam's DS3, katsbi's DD3 and Gwen's mum's DS
Image

Post Reply