In Memory of ~Byron James~

A place for support when the unthinkable happens and we lose a loved one.
User avatar
Posts: 12555
Joined: Fri May 22, 2009 4:57 pm
Location: SA

In Memory of ~Byron James~

Post by Feebes » Mon Dec 07, 2009 2:22 am

This is the story of my DS ~Byron James~

In April 03 I had my last contraceptive injection. We were not quite ready to try for another baby but new after this injection had worn of that we would well and truly be ready to try for a LO.

I didn’t get my period back until October 03. The next cycle bang I was pregnant. I remember I was driving off to work on the morning feeling a bit queasy. I had a fleeting throught ‘oh I might be pregnant’. I can’t remember if it was that day or a few days later I did a POAS and had the magical 2 lines show up.

I immediately rang my then DP at work at told him of the news followed by my best friend in Adelaide. Although I was over the moon to be pregnant, the maternal alarm bells were ringing like mad and I had a gut feeling that something was not quite right.

I rang my GP to make an appointment to confirm the pregnancy. As he is booked out I had to wait 3 weeks for an appointment. I think I was roughly 4 to 5 weeks pregnant from my LMP.

A few days later I went to the toilet and found that I was spotting slightly. I rang my Mum to come and pick me up to take me to Accident and Emergency. DP and DD stayed at home.

I presented myself and said that I was 5 weeks pregnant and was spotting. I was then looked at by a doctor. He did an internal and his glove looked to me was like an abnormal amount of blood on it. He said that my cervix was still closed and that I would have to go and have a scan. I had an external and internal scan. They couldn’t see a sac so they said that perhaps that I was miscarrying or that it was too early to see anything. I went back to A & E to see the doctor. He wrote a letter for my GP. In it he said that he thought that I was having a miscarriage, or it was an ectopic pregnancy or I was still pregnant.

I then had to have HCG blood tests every 2nd day for roughly 6 days.

The bleeding stopped but a few days later it started again. I went to my normal clinic but had to see the duty doctor. She said that I just had to wait to see what would happen. It was highly likely that I was miscarrying. I remember feeling guttered and emotionally drained.
I remember getting one HCG test result back. The reading wasn’t great but still was going up. Then two days later I remember that I was with my DP and DD driving into the Fresh Food People car park. The doctor that I had seen at A & E rung and had my 2nd HCG blood test results back. My HCG result had double to over 400. I was in shock but happy. I couldn’t even tell you what I bought that day at the supermarket. I was in a complete daze. I remember ringing my Mum at her friends house saying that the reading had doubled. She couldn’t say much over the phone as we weren’t telling people.

I remember during this time that I didn’t want to do much. I only wanted to sit down and do nothing. I rolled over in bed every so carefully so that I didn’t hurt the baby or make things worse.

I rang for the last lot of HCG blood test results. The receptionist at my clinic nearly made me fall over when she read out the reading of 400 something. Luckily all it was that my blood test results hadn’t come in yet and it was the reading from 2 days ago. Later that day I rang back and my reading had gone up again.

When I was roughly 6 to7 weeks pregnant (still spotting on and off) I finally was able to see my GP. My due date was 14 August 2004. He was still concerned that it was an ectopic pregnancy. He immediately ordered a scan and I went straight to the hospital and had an internal scan. My DP was there. He said that it wasn’t the best of looks to be at the end of the bed with my legs up in the air with this white thing up my clacker! They finally found a sac with a beating heart in it and it was not an ectopic pregnancy. They still had to check my tubes just to make sure that there wasn’t another sac.

We left the hospital and DP rang his Dad to let him know that we were expecting again. I also contacted his Mum and told her what had been going on. We thought that we were all good now and now more problems. Yeah right.

The spotting still continued. Also the scans had shown that my dates were roughly 7 to 10 out. I had double checked my date of my LMP. I had my dates right. This just added to the story.

At about 11 weeks my DP and I had been DTD and I went to the toilet to find an alarming amount of blood. I rang my clinic and they put me straight through to my GP. He immediately arranged another scan. My Mum picked me up and I went to the clinic to pick up the scan form and head to the hospital.

The same day my best friend and her Mum were coming down to visit us. They didn’t answer their phone. I left a message to say that things were looking not very good and for them to go back home.

I had the scan and all seemed fine. They couldn’t find anything wrong. I was shocked to find that the baby was doing well.

So I rang and left another message to my friend to tell them that all was well and to still come!

The bleeding seemed to settle down and went away at roughly 13-14 weeks. At 16 weeks I had an anti-natal check up. I had the normal blood test for down syndrome and spina bifida.

Somewhere in here I started to leak water like stuff. I was just like ohh and just thought that it was a pregnancy thingy and I just thought ohhh a sign of pregnancy. I honestly didn’t think much of it.

A week after having the blood test I came down with a nasty chest infection. I went the doctors and got some AB’s. A few days later I still wasn’t well so I went back. This time it was with my normal GP. From this appointment onwards my life was going to change. He mentioned that my 16 week blood test had come back. The down syndrome results were fine but the results for Spina Bifida had come back 1/30 chance. The next day DP and DD and I went for a scan.

I still had that maternal gut feeling that something was wrong.

The lady was doing the scan and then just stopped. The scan didn’t take very long I thought. She said that she would be back. Alarm bells were going off in my head. 5 minutes of her gone then 10 minutes of her gone then finally she came back in. She asked for us to wait in an area outside the room.

We waited for a little while. Finally she came back but this time with the person that diagnoses the films. Not sure which one it was but they asked me if I had been leaking liquor. I said no. They went on to say that there was next to no fluid around the baby. As I had a care free pregnancy with DD and naive I asked, should I be worried? They said yes. They said to make our way back to my GP and they would ring through with the results.
I had NO idea what was installed for us.

I was busting for the toilet. While I was in the toilet I had been called in. DP and DD were waiting in the GP’s room. I saw my GP waiting for me outside his rooms and ushered me in.

The next 15 mintues are a totally emotional blur and I only remember bits and pieces, crying, needing a tissue that was nowhere to be seen.
He explained that the baby had no waters around it. He said that there was a possibility that the baby didn’t have kidney’s or that my membranes had ruptured.

I was only 17 weeks pregnant. I was in shock. I felt sorry for my baby. He said that prognoses was poor. He said that I could arrange a termination if I wished but I would have to travel 50 kms to where one would be available. He arranged the next day for me to see an Obstetrician.

We got home and rang our parents and told them. My Mum said maybe you need to let the baby go. I said no.

DP’s Mum came over and got DD to stay at her house.

The next day we got a phone call from the Obstetrician’s office to come in 4 hours. DP asked me what would we do if there was no hope for our baby and there was nothing that they could do. I said that I had no idea. I was still on shock and in despair.

We went into the Obstetrician office. The Obstetrician was walking around casually eating his sandwich looking all cool, calm and collected. I really resented that.

We got called in. I handed over the scans that we had the previous day and also a referral from my GP.

He did a physically examination and also a vaginal swab for testing to see if I had an infection. He said that my top of the uterus was the size of 14 weeks and not nearly of a 18 week.

I talked to him about my previous pregnancy, medical history and the history so far of that pregnancy. Earlier in the week I felt like sh!t cause of my chest infection Suddenly I didn’t feel sick anymore. It was like it didn’t matter.

He said that our baby had a 2-3% chance of survival. I knew it was going to be grim but not this grim. It was confirmed that my waters had broken but the baby did have kidney’s.

He rang the Head of Obstetrics at our states major women’s and children’s hospital. He was some sort of specialist in high risk pregnancy.
The Obstetrician arranged for us to go and see him 500kms away from our home town. We would go and see him on the Monday. Today was Friday.

The next day I had more leakage in my underwear. Suddenly it dawned on me, it’s was my waters leaking.

We travelled up on Monday. I remember sitting in the hospital garden’s with DP. I was so sad and petrified. If I had been given the option I would of ran and ran and ran away but I knew that I had to face the music.

He was a lovely doctor. We explained what we had told the GP and the Obstetrician at home. He then went through with us the prognoses of our baby. If it did survive what its quality of life would be like, what disability’s it would have and any other medical conditions. He explained that if we chose to go through with the pregnancy I would live at the hospital from 23 + 4 days until the baby would be flown back to home.

That would mean leaving my DD at home being cared by her Dad and her Grandparents. I would loose 16 weeks (4 mths) of her life to help my unborn baby have life.

The doctor said that he would give the baby a 5% chance of survival. He had other parents that had children with the same outcome live and have a good quality of life.

He took the scans that we brought with us and took them to the radiology department to have a look. He said for us to have a chat about our decision as to whether or not to continue the pregnancy. When we went up I was prepared to come home not pregnant. I basically gave the decision to my DP. He was the one that was going to be at home taking care of DD, running the house, working and juggling everything else.
I was hoping that he would say yes and he did. Yes that to continue the pregnancy. To me the 5% chance of survival was everything. To me it was like that we had given DD life so why not our unborn baby.

There was no treatment available. None. Just keep hydrated, change my sanitary pads regularly and stay healthy and keep away from people that were sick.

He arranged for me to see the Obstetrician at home every fortnight and having regular scans in his office as well as going to the hospital for bigger and detailed scans.

We rang our parents as soon as we left the building. Suddenly our baby’s chance of survival had gone up 2%. It meant that there was hope and that is all we needed and bucket loads of it.

I went home pregnant but stressed to the max. I had never felt so stressed and uptight. I felt horrible. I didn’t know how to cope.

At around 18 +4 weeks I started to bleed again. But as it was also mixed in with amniotic fluid it looked more than there really was. I was at a kids concert with my DD and my Mum. I kept getting these twitches. Another thing to worry about.

We came home from the concert. I wanted to go to maternity to make sure that I was ok. My DP was covered in paint so my Mum took me. They found the baby’s heart beat. I asked for an internal and they did one. My cervix was still tight shut. I later found out that the midwife shouldn’t of done in internal due to the infection risk.

Our DD was 2 yrs and a bit. Unfortunately my patients and parenting went down the toilet. I lost my temper quick and fast (I never physically hurt her) and gave into her all the time. Whatever to shut her up I did. With all of this we were also renovating. One day DD just asked me something (can’t even remember what it was) and DP was just outside the kitchen window. I just went off my rocker. Just started yelling and screaming at her. I will NEVER EVER forget the scared look on her face and I will NEVER EVER forgive myself for yelling at her. She ran away from me crying and went into her room. DP then went of at me for yelling at our DD. It was just awful.

The day after this I woke up with more bleeding. I got my Mum to take me to maternity again.

Instead of going to the delivery room the midwife took me to a post delivery room. I balled my eyes out. All I kept saying I don’t know how to help my baby. I was very upset. She said that there was one thing that they could do. I asked what was that. She said that they could arrange termination. I said that DP and I had discussed that and we were going ahead with the pregnancy.

I was admitted overnight for rest and also emotional support. I could ask at any time to hear my baby’s heart beat. Since the diagnoses I had tried to remove myself from being emotionally attached to the baby and to not acknowledge when I felt it move. I found that my DP and I were on totally different pages and very much disconnected from each other. We did not mention the baby anymore to our DD.

It was my DP’s birthday the day that I was admitted. The family went out to tea. I sat in a hospital bed.

I went home the next day with visits from the midwife every 2nd day (my Obstetrician later cancelled the visits and I saw his midwife every 2nd to 3 rd to hear the baby’s heart). I swore to myself that I would be calmer towards DD and not so angry.

At around 20 weeks I went for a big scan. They measured how much fluid was around the baby. I asked DP’s Mum to come along. My Mum had been at other scans and I thought that this maybe the only opportunity that DP’s Mum would get to see her grandchild alive on a screen.
Later in the day my Obstetrician rang. He said that there was more fluid around the baby but certainly not enough. The results had also shown that there was swelling in and on the brain. I still don’t have full details of this. It was all so much to take in.

My Obstetrician said that he would get in touch with the specialist that we had seen in the city. He then rang back and said that the specialist was going to take my case to a meeting where all high risk pregnancies would be discussed. He thought that at the meeting it would be recommended to have a Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS) to detect any chromosomal issues.

About 6 days later we had a phone call from the specialist. He recommended a CVS. Normally they would do a amniocentesis but due to the lack of fluid it would not be possible. Having a CVS carried the risk of a 1 in 100 risk of miscarriage.

I did research on the net and found out the ins and outs of CVS’s. The maternal gut feeling was ringing very loud NOT to have one. I went against it.

In the very early hours of the morning that we were meant to leave I had a major bleed. I rang Mum and she took me to the hospital. We saw the 1st midwife that I had seen at 18 weeks. She was pleased that I was going not too bad.

When she used the doppler to hear the hart beat and it was beating very loudly my Mum burst into tears. She was very overwhelmed and was happy to hear that strong heart beat. They called my Obstetrician in. He examined me and said that all was well and to go to the city.

My GP noticed that I was in getting examined and came into see me. I was relieved to see him. I hadn’t seen him since that dreaded day. My GP is very relaxed and has a very gentle nature. My Obstetrician was very different. Very upfront and no patient bed side manner.

I was warned that even though I wasn’t in labour I could still go into labour on our way up to the city and that I could deliver on the side of the road.

Eventually we arrived at the major hospital late that day. I had more bleeding.

The next day I had an appointment with another specialist. He would perform the CVS. He went through all of the details and risks of the CVS. Then I had a quick scan. The sonographer said he couldn’t see any swelling anywhere in or on the brain. They told me that I was having a girl. I asked if I could have a photo of my baby. Finally after all these scans I finally had a photo.

We had to wait in the waiting room while they got everything ready. I went back in and I had to sign a consent form for the CVS. My maternal gut feeling was telling me as I was signing the form that I had just signed my baby’s life away.

I had the procedure done. I think that my Mum had to count her fingers afterwards. It didn’t hurt but thank god for my mum’s hand.

The procedure went well and we left to go and have something to eat. I was sitting and thinking that my womb was very crampy and I needed some panadol. I went to the toilet and blood just poured out. I was so scared. I went back up to where I had the procedure done and asked for panadol. They said that I had to go to the Woman’s Emergency Section for assistance.

I explained the amount of blood that I was losing and also that I was in pain. They immediately called the specialist that had done the CVS. He came and whisked me and My Mum in the elevator. It was that fast that my Mum nearly got left behind. I then was hurried into a High Dependency Room and a ultrasound machine was urgently brought into the room.

Amazingly enough my baby was still ok with a good strong heart beat. Our baby was so strong and a fighter.

They warned me that I could go into labour and as I was only 21 + 4 there was nothing that they could do.

I stayed the night and was monitored. Another miracle. The bleeding calmed right down and I was allowed to go make the journey home still pregnant.

About a week later I started to bleed more. I rang the doctor that had done the CVS and balled my eyes out. I had no idea what was going on. He said that I could come to the city earlier than 23+4 days if I wanted to. I said no.

He rang back at night to say that the CVS results had come back with nothing showing and that we were having a boy.

The next morning I was in the shower. Suddenly I was passing blood clots. I was yelling out to DP. Unfortunately DD came running too. I tried to high the blood clots from her.

I got out and rang the Obstetrician. The receptionist said that he was at the hospital doing his rounds and to go there. ½ way there I got a call on my mobile to say to go to his rooms.

We went there. He had a look at the clots that I had passed. He said that they were an ok amount to pass. I balled my eyes out again and I asked if he could do a scan. He did. This is the last time that I saw my baby alive. This was now 22 + 6.

The next day DD and I went to see a friend. She had made me a lovely blue angel made out beads and gold satefty pins. I put it in my handbag. I felt unusually tired.

DD and I went home. We had a nice sleep together on my bed.

At around 8pm that night I had back pain. Nothing too bad and nothing out of character. DP was on the phone and I was walking up to him to tell him something when BANG I had to bend over, I couldn’t walk and I was having a contraction.

I thought that it was a once of thing. I started to time them. I got my Mum over to take me to hospital. They hooked me up and I was having contractions but the monitor wasn’t picking them up very well. I was given tablets to take to stop the contractions. I told Mum to go home and tell DP to come to the hospital.

After 15mins of her gone suddenly the contractions were full on. I was on all fours on the bed in agony and very vocal. I wasn’t able to reach the buzzer as I was hooked up so had to yell out for help.

DP arrived. I will never forget the look on his face. It was of horror. My mind was of somewhere else and I said I am not sure what is wrong with me. He said you’re in labour.

I had pethidine to help with the pain. I began to vomit.

This went on for a while. Then suddenly it seemed to die down for 20 mins. Little did I know that I was in transition.

I said to DP to go and get a midwife as I felt something in my vagina. They had a look and said that I could push. After one push our baby was born at 1.56am on 18th April 2004.

They called the paediatrician in, extra midwives and also the doctor on duty. They put our baby on the baby warmer. They were all around the baby warmer so I couldn’t see what was going on. But my DP was on the other side sitting in a chair. They started to give him oxygen and compressions. It was a very calm environment.

The placenta was stuck and the midwife accidently pulled the cord of the placenta. It was looking like I needed surgery. Fortunately after while I was able to deliver the placenta.

After 1 hour and 44 minutes our baby left to go to heaven. Luke and the midwife weighed Byron (660gms) and dressed him. He was born at 23+1.
I was offered a nurse. I was totally zonked out and tired but I held him. He was beautiful. Just small but perfect. We named him Byron James.

We called our parents and they came in. Our DD was now staying at her paternal grandparents and DP’s brother was looking after her.

The midwives gave us a camera to use. We took many photos. We talked about a funeral.

After a while Byron was taken to the morgue. I went to sleep shattered and my life completely changed and unknown.

The next morning I woke up. I was a mess. Very upset. I was in complete shock that I was 23 years old and that I had to organise my own sons funeral. That isn’t right, we aren’t meant to outlive our children.
A priest was called in and also a social worker.

The social worker was very good. We talked about Byron and my pregnancy. She spent about 1 hour or so with me.

My Obstetrician also came in to see me. His attitude was the pits. It basically was like I told you so see ya later. No bed side manner at all.

I was helped to go to the toilet by 3 midwives. I felt woozy.

One of midwives suggested that I can see Byron if I want to. I said that I was scared to see him. I asked if he had changed much since I had last seen his a few hours before. She said that she would go and get him and wrap him in a nice warm blanket. She said that I could have a tiny look and if I couldn’t handle it that she would take him back. She warned that he would be cold.

She walked in with Byron. She said your baby is so beautiful in the most natural way. I looked at Byron and then nursed him. With help from the midwife I got out of bed and sat in the recliner next to the window. I talked to Byron about all sorts as a Mum would do. I sang him twinkle twinkle little star. While Byron and I sat there the sun shone. Just on Byron, not on anything else. It was a magical moment.

I truly appreciate the quite time that I got with him.

My parents visited us at the hospital. I put Byron in the plastic cot thingy. He stayed with me in the room til the evening. My DP visited as well. He was a bit a taken back that Byron was in the room with me. We took more photos. Later in the evening I asked for Byron to be taken back to the morgue so that I could get some sleep.

The next morning I was a blubbering mess. The head of Maternity came in. She was so lovely. We talked about Byron, the blessing, the funeral and what to do with our DD. I was clueless. I wasn’t sure if she should see her brother. My GP came in to see me. He was fantastic. He just sat there for quite some time talking. We also discussed the option of having another baby. I asked him about developing PND.

I went home. It was now the same day at DP’s brother 18th birthday.
DP’s visited us. DP and I were discussing what to put in the newspaper. I wasn’t keen in discussing it with his family there. DP’s Dad was an arse really and I ended up throwing the form for the newspaper that we were filling out and I yelled at him’ This is not your baby’.

I stormed off to the bedroom. Next thing I hear is DP’s family is singing to DP’s brother and they light candles on the cake. This just adds salt to the wound. This is something that I won’t experience.

DP’s Mum comes into the room. Announces that she is going to the shops so freakin merrily its unreal. Its like a walk in the park. I say to her that I can’t believe that Byron has gone. She leaves. I wish that I could just up and go to the shops like nothing has happened.

I get in touch with the priest. He is going to do Byron’s Blessing in the chapel at the hospital the next day. I arrange that DD goes to that with us but if things go haywire that I have arranged for the head of maternity to come and get DD.

In the evening we are about to tell DD about her brother. Out of nowhere she says baby died baby gone. No one had told her this. We have no idea how she knew.

By this time our photos have been developed and the social worker had dropped them off. DP and I sit down with DD.

We follow her lead. We go through the photos. We hide none from her. We tell her that Byron was very sick and has died. She takes the news very well. I am blown away. We tell her that she can see Byron the next day.

We arrive at the hospital. I have found a lovely crocheted blanket that my Grandma’s cousin has made for when DD was born. We haven’t used it until now. We also take a toy for Nat to give Byron.

We arrive at the chapel. Byron is waiting for us there. Security is at the Chapel door waiting for us.

There is only immediate family there. I have totally forgotten to ask DP’S Nan to come.

Byron is in a lovely coffin type of thingy. It’s all zipped up and I unzip it to see my son. It’s very hard thing to do and I am very emotional but also happy to see him.

The blessing is wonderful. We take many photos.

After the blessing we ask DD if she wants to hold her brother. She asks her Pa to hold Byron. She then sits on her Pa’s knee and then takes Byron to hold at the same time sitting on her Pa’s knee. It’s a beautiful memory. He is wrapped in the blanket that I have bought.

In the room is a plastic cot thing. I put Byron in there. I tell him that I am so sorry that he isn’t coming home and I want to take him home. There is photo of me doing this and the grief in the photo sums up how gutted I feel.

We leave the hospital and go down the street to find a special memory box to put Byron’s things in. I haven’t eaten much for 4 days. I buy something that doesn’t agree with an empty stomach and I nearly vomit in the car park.

In the afternoon DP, DD, DP’s Mum and I go to the funeral home to make arrangements. We aren’t there for very long. The lady that is arranging the funeral home assumes that Byron was stillborn.

The funeral is arranged for in 2 days time.

The priest comes and visits us at home to arrange the service. With the brochures etc that the social worker has given us there is a lovely poem. DP rearranges some of the lines and will read this out. Its called All Those Moments. Its says everything that I feel.

We also buy a CD with the song, ‘Calling all Angels’ by Train. The music shop gives us a discount due to the nature of having to buy the CD. This Byron’s song.

The day before Byron’s funeral we have a viewing. DD wants to hold Byron. She holds him without our special blanket. Byron is cold but is wearing a small blanket and the clothes that the hospital has provided. I am in awe of her. I cannot hold Byron cold with no other blanket. I could not let this be the last memory of holding him. This is where out first and last family photo is taken. DP and I have both written letters to Byron. We have not shown each other what we have written. Photos are put in the coffin, a blue teddy and many other small items.

The night before the funeral DP asks me if I am nervous. I say that I am ready for the funeral.

We go to the funeral. There is only family there and I have asked a few very close friends to be there.

The 1st song to play is Calling all Angels. Its such a fitting song.

We say the Our Father and then Byron’s tiny white coffin gradually is lowered into the grave. My DP’s hands are numb as I am holding them so tight.

At the end of the funeral the song called I am the Bread of Life is played. I love how it says ‘we will raise you up’.

Everybody is given rose petals to put in the grave. I find it very hard when DD is being held by her Pa and she puts the roses in the grave. She has had her brother taken away from her. This is just not fair.
We go home. I am feeling so lost. I don’t know what I am meant to be doing.

2 days later I am back in hospital. I have an infection and a temperature. Looks like I will need a D & C. I get rather stroppy at my Obstetrician and telling him ‘I’ve had a gut full of this’. I wasn’t very nice to him but I really had been through enough without more crap going wrong.

At 7pm that night I get wheeled down to theatre. Its on Sunday night and its very quiet. The midwife is lovely and lets DP help to wheel my bed down to theatre. I am really over this crap by now. I am relieved when I am coming out of recovery and find DP is helping with midwife again wheel me back to my room.

The next day I have a social worker appointment at the hospital after this I go home.

The next day I am at my lowest. As bottom low as you can get. I can’t be bothered living anymore. I just want all of this crap to end. I really just want to get in my car and drive of a cliff. I don’t answer the phone and DP and I are a bit snappy at each other.

The door bell rings DP answers it. Its a great friend who was at the funeral. I am a blubbering mess not making any sense. I tell her to come in and don’t mind me! My friend sat on the couch for god knows how many hours and just listened to my ramblings and tears. No advice just listened. I don’t think that if she had come around I am not sure what I would of done.

DP had to go to work and my friend stayed and got herself tea and also my DD. I am truly eternally grateful for what she did for me on this day.

Life after this slowly went to some normality. I continued to medically get better and had 6 months of counselling.

I do not regret having Byron. I did not change our relationship but it changed me forever and for the better.

Byron is an ‘active’ part of our family. He is talked about nearly every day.

I have grieved and moved on. I once heard that grief is like a wound, slowly the scab falls off and your left with a scar. The scar is the memory of the wound.

I am now the local Teddy Love Club representative and have been since Byron’s 6mth anniversary.

Byron would now be 5 and at school with skinned knees and playing footy. Instead, he is with the angels waiting for me to join him.

Some people dreams of angels, we held one in our arms.

Love you Byron

Love Mummy
Last edited by Feebes on Mon Dec 07, 2009 11:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
DD 02
DS 05
DD2 2010

User avatar
Posts: 9552
Joined: Tue Jan 29, 2008 10:36 am
Location: Switzerland

Post by Nedsmum » Mon Dec 07, 2009 3:59 am

thanks for sharing, Feebes. It's amazing how all the little details stay there even after a long time...I've had the privilege of supporting a friend who lost her baby in tragic circumstances, and I do consider it a very special thing to be a part of, and a very important thing for us to begin to approach some understanding of death, and of life...
Breastmilk - the ultimate 'brain food'!!!

User avatar
Posts: 6760
Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 11:41 am
Location: NSW

Post by fourth&final » Mon Dec 07, 2009 5:57 am

Thank you for sharing your story.

Big Hugs.
DS1 - 2004, DD - 2006, DS2 - 2007, DS3 - 2010

User avatar
Posts: 4947
Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2006 1:59 pm

Post by jenandchloe » Mon Dec 07, 2009 6:53 am

Massive big hugs Feebes, thanks for being brave enough to share this with us.


User avatar
Posts: 416
Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2007 12:00 pm
Location: nsw australia

Post by katie21 » Mon Dec 07, 2009 6:57 am

Wow! You are a amazing, strong woman! Thank you so much for sharing your story. Im sitting here crying now :)
Blake Mathew 6.12.05
Mason Alexander 14.8.07
Isabella Rose 24.5.09
Darcy James 28.7.11

User avatar
Posts: 2986
Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2008 7:04 pm

Post by Elby » Mon Dec 07, 2009 7:19 am

Thanks for sharing Feebes. I have tears in my eyes as my beautiful best friend lost her baby in eerily similar circumstances earlier this year. *hugs*
Mumma to Miss E (5) and Little Miss R (3)

the forumite formerly known as Jac G

User avatar
Posts: 4025
Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2007 1:36 pm
Location: Footscray-Yarraville Group Melbourne

Post by aelfgiua » Mon Dec 07, 2009 8:01 am

Thank you for sharing.
Mum to 2 wonderful girls

08/07 and 11/10

User avatar
Posts: 4025
Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2007 1:36 pm
Location: Footscray-Yarraville Group Melbourne

Post by aelfgiua » Mon Dec 07, 2009 8:01 am

Thank you for sharing.
Mum to 2 wonderful girls

08/07 and 11/10

User avatar
Posts: 10120
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2008 4:23 pm
Location: Brisbane QLD

Post by Capricious » Mon Dec 07, 2009 8:25 am

Oh Feebes, I am so so sorry. I had no idea. I am bawling my eyes out. I bet Byron is watching you now and always.

Posts: 2884
Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2008 7:36 pm
Location: Sydney

Post by Lisee85 » Mon Dec 07, 2009 9:08 am

Thank you for sharing that story so beautifully with us. I shed a few tears while reading it, you are such a strong woman x

User avatar
Posts: 8063
Joined: Wed Apr 26, 2006 3:00 pm
Location: Brisbane

Post by DellaWellaWoman » Mon Dec 07, 2009 9:15 am

Capricious wrote:Oh Feebes, I am so so sorry. I had no idea. I am bawling my eyes out. I bet Byron is watching you now and always.
Me too.

Thank you for sharing your story Feebes.

DD1 breastfed 6 years, 7 months
DD2 still going at 5 years :D
Honoured to have been storked by Capricious

User avatar
vintage rose
Posts: 4855
Joined: Wed Jan 09, 2008 11:27 pm
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow

Post by vintage rose » Mon Dec 07, 2009 10:56 am

Oh Feebes, :cry: I am so sad that Byron isn't here for you to hold in your arms :cry:

Thank you for sharing with all of us xoxo

'No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted' ~ Aesop ~

Posts: 1059
Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 11:49 am
Location: Sydney

Post by Amba » Mon Dec 07, 2009 11:17 am


Thankyou so much for sharing your story, Im certain Byron is waiting for you, and that he is with you every day.

Much love :smt056

All because two people fell in love <3

DD1 Emmasyn 7
DD2 Brielle 4
DS3 Braxson 8 weeks

User avatar
nicole and eamonn
Posts: 827
Joined: Fri Mar 03, 2006 9:00 pm
Location: SYDNEY

Post by nicole and eamonn » Mon Dec 07, 2009 12:29 pm

Thank you for sharing Byron's story.

Mum to an angel Easter 2008

Ranger 2
Posts: 1388
Joined: Wed Jul 18, 2007 11:52 am
Location: Adelaide South Australia

Post by Ranger 2 » Mon Dec 07, 2009 1:26 pm

Thank you for sharing your story Feebes. You are an amazingly strong woman. :smt056
Twin Angels Sam & Charlie 21/11/2011
Johanna 8 years Abby 1 Year Old
Proudly fed Johanna for 3 years and 7 months.

Post Reply