Weddings and family - final update and

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Baby Blue Eyes
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Baby Blue Eyes » Wed Jun 11, 2014 5:10 pm

not really because I don't know if my family will believe me when I say that he doesn't want to do it

just sent my brother this email


Hey P, how are you and T going? DH & I thought it was be lovely forDS1 to be your page boy but I have come into a snag. I spoke to DS1 about it this afternoon and he burst into tears and told me he doesn't want to do it. I showed him photos from our wedding and what was required from him but he was quite upset about it all. He wanted me to stand beside him. Give me a couple of days and I will talk to him about it he may come around
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Mummy woo!
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Mummy woo! » Wed Jun 11, 2014 7:56 pm

Baby Blue Eyes wrote:not really because I don't know if my family will believe me when I say that he doesn't want to do it
And I just ran out of consideration for them - honestly they think you would do that?
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Baby Blue Eyes
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Baby Blue Eyes » Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:43 pm

Mummy woo! wrote:
Baby Blue Eyes wrote:not really because I don't know if my family will believe me when I say that he doesn't want to do it
And I just ran out of consideration for them - honestly they think you would do that?
yeah I would. :(

Spoke to ds1 tonight he was calmer and told him that it was a great honour etc etc. He is fearful of doing something wrong. poor kid. I explained what most likely would happen and there would be nothing that he could do wrong but if he would say yes he has to go through with it and he can't back out. I told him I would never force him to do it but I think he should consider it. I will talk to him again tomorrow just planting small seeds and judging his reaction.
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Mummy woo!
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Mummy woo! » Wed Jun 11, 2014 9:51 pm

Baby Blue Eyes wrote:
Mummy woo! wrote:
Baby Blue Eyes wrote:not really because I don't know if my family will believe me when I say that he doesn't want to do it
And I just ran out of consideration for them - honestly they think you would do that?
yeah I would. :(

Spoke to ds1 tonight he was calmer and told him that it was a great honour etc etc. He is fearful of doing something wrong. poor kid. I explained what most likely would happen and there would be nothing that he could do wrong but if he would say yes he has to go through with it and he can't back out. I told him I would never force him to do it but I think he should consider it. I will talk to him again tomorrow just planting small seeds and judging his reaction.
You are such a sensitive mum. My Oobiwoo would go through exactly the same mental process when refusing to do something new, but I know I wouldn't (and haven't) handled it so well.
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Karen81
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Karen81 » Fri Jun 13, 2014 12:24 pm

We had a very small wedding, immediate family and our best friends. So there were like 20 of us on the boat. We had kids as well. My celebrant said children at weddings are so important because its a part of developing social understandings and seeing these beautiful rights of passage - cultural development I guess. I agree with her! But..I also understand that weddings are so expensive and that sometimes kids are feral.

I had a huge extended family and we went to shit loads of weddings. I loved it! Seeing all of my family, seeing them get drunk and dance, dancing with my cousins all night long. So for me the only logical reason to not have kids is money - coz kids party pretty hard and make events fun in my opinion.

I've gone off on a tangent, sorry. I was a flower girl a couple of time, my bro was a page boy. I would absolutely let him do it. He will feel really special and it's a wonderful opportunity to see this right of passage. But that's just me :)

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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Karen81 » Fri Jun 13, 2014 12:26 pm

Ahem - well apparently the second page of this thread didn't load - so pretend I said nothing :)

Tell him when my little brother was a page boy they stood him in ants nest and he got in trouble for moving around - until someone realised they'd put him in an ants nest...kidding, don't tell him that ;)

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Baby Blue Eyes
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Baby Blue Eyes » Mon Jul 07, 2014 2:24 pm

Updated - ds1 thought about it for a couple of weeks and told him no. The problem was the night he rang (my mum was here) he had just been given a computer maths programming I had promised him and he had just started it when he rang my mum. I forced him off the computer to talk to him and left the room according to mum he was a bit short with his reply.

That night I sent an email to say sorry that he didn't want to do it his reply - don't worry I expected it, would be nice if T had manners. Don't worry I'll sort it all out as usual.

Got the wedding invite today in the mail and feeling sad about it all that I can't go to the wedding. Right now I could leave the 3 boys because as I predicted ds3 is getting over his separation anxiety but of course DD has started which is what I expected and he wont let me take a baby in arms so nothing I believe I can do about it.

Wish I could just say #$$&^ it I'm not going to the ceremony either
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Mummy woo!
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Mummy woo! » Mon Jul 07, 2014 3:54 pm

Hugs BBE - I wish this was all easier for you.

I imagine the fallout if you wag the whole thing is not worth thinking about.

I'm sure your little guy has lovely manners most of the time.
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Baby Blue Eyes
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Baby Blue Eyes » Mon Jul 07, 2014 9:48 pm

I agree on the fallout being not worth it but found out tonight that the kids are not even allowed at the ceremony because even though I'm his only sibling and these are his only niece and nephews they are classed together with everyone else at the wedding and there will be too many children if all the kids come so they are not allowed.

DH said he isn't going and right now I don't want to go at all

Oh and I just defriended him on facebook as he is not someone I want to be around
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Mummy woo! » Mon Jul 07, 2014 9:51 pm

I'm thinking very positive thoughts about you staying home and having a lovely day with your family. Maybe some kind of communicable disease requiring a lengthy family quarantine?
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Baby Blue Eyes
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Baby Blue Eyes » Mon Jul 07, 2014 10:33 pm

My mum has been going on how it was such a shame that we wouldn't go to the reception because she really wanted family pictures but how can there be family pictures when 4 very important but little people are missing ?

I'm just going to email our regretful absence and not even tell my mum, my brother can do that.

I could get a baby sitter for the ceremony no problems but I just don't want to bend over for him
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by JennyD » Mon Jul 07, 2014 10:36 pm

Yep, I wouldn't be going if my kids can't come to the ceremony. I can sort of understand not having kids at the reception (after all, embarrassingly, it is what I did) but at the ceremony. If my kids couldn't come at all, I wouldn't go. I have missed family weddings for this exact reason (although not brothers).

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Baby Blue Eyes
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Baby Blue Eyes » Mon Jul 07, 2014 10:43 pm

Jenny don't feel embarrassed. I do get the no kids at reception. I have been married and I get you can't please everyone and really it is about their day. I have a friend who said she would babysit the boys if I c'hanged my minded about the reception but I'm not allowed to bring dd even though she will only have turned 1 by 3 days and I'm not prepared to leave her with anyone for 5 odd hours. My friend lives nearly an hour drive from the wedding one way
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by PellyintheWilderness » Tue Jul 08, 2014 2:13 am

It's their right to have a child-free wedding, but the flip side is that they then have absolutely no right to be upset if people with children decide not to come. Unfortunately weddings do strange things to people's brains. The more I read of this thread the more I think big, complicated, expensive weddings are more trouble than they're worth.
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Baby Blue Eyes
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Baby Blue Eyes » Mon Jul 14, 2014 9:56 pm

I have just sent this letter to my brother

Dear P,

I am writing in request to ask you to reconsider your position of having my children at your and T's wedding ceremony and reception. While I understand it is your special day and you can choose how you want your day. I am aware that I have no right to request this but I would love it if you would reconsider so that I would be able to come.

I know we have had our difficulties in our relationship over a very long time but ultimately you are my baby brother and I do love you. I'm sorry for anything I have said or done inadvertently or with purpose that has hurt you. There are so many hurts that have happened over the years that even the smallest of words can cause the greatest of injury on both sides and this is not what I want. I want my only brother, his wife and their future children to be a part of our lives and us them.

I am very excited that you have made this decision to marry T and to plan and dream about your future as a team to go forth and start your family. I would love to be there on the day to witness you both make your commitments to each other and I would love to be at the reception celebrating your special day. I have even already brought a dress for DD in January for your wedding.

If your fear is inviting the kids would cause a cascade of others wanting their children I don't think this would happen because most people would expect your nephews and niece there.

I'm not trying to manipulate you into reconsidering. I will respect your decision if you decide to have no children there and will honour your request but I would love to join you and T at your wedding, you don't know how much. I want to watch my baby brother get married and celebrate it but the no children rule simple because of logistics and the ages of my younger children makes it not possible.

Love
A
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DS2 - b/f 3yrs 11mths
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