Weddings and family - final update and

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Baby Blue Eyes
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Weddings and family - final update and

Post by Baby Blue Eyes » Tue Jun 10, 2014 9:53 pm

My brother is getting married in a few months and the kids are not allowed at the reception (even the baby) I respect his decision and have informed him that we can not go to the reception but will go to the wedding (logistically it is virtually impossible - the wedding is 1 1/2 hours away from our home, I have a 2 yr old who only wants to stay with me, Í have a breastfeeding baby who is quite fussy with solids).

He has emailed me my thoughts on my ds1 being page boy.

How would you feel if your child was asked to be a part of the wedding but wasn't allowed to be at the reception?
Last edited by Baby Blue Eyes on Thu Jul 31, 2014 10:27 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Mummy woo!
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Mummy woo! » Tue Jun 10, 2014 10:10 pm

Baby Blue Eyes wrote: How would you feel if your child was asked to be a part of the wedding but wasn't allowed to be at the reception?
I'd be sad. But I'm not a small boy.

Do you think your DS would like to be a page boy - maybe an outcome where he gets to be part of the wedding but doesn't have to sit through a boring reception would be a pretty good day out for him! Especially if he gets an icecream on the way home :lol:

I'd be a bit worried about the others feeling left out and acting up accordingly though - do you think they can cope with not being part of the proceedings?
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by freerange » Tue Jun 10, 2014 10:17 pm

How old are your kids now? I definitely remember missing out on being a flower girl at a cousins wedding - my younger brother and sister got the plumb jobs :lol: we all went to the reception though (obviously).

Have they thought about photos? Will your DS be needed for those? It's a tricky situation...

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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Baby Blue Eyes » Tue Jun 10, 2014 10:23 pm

7yrs old (will be 1 month shy of 8 at the wedding)
5 year
2 (about to turn 3)
dd will be 1 by 3 days.

I think he would like to be. ds2 may be a bit off put but he is scared of new things so he might not care, ds3 wont care a bit.

I'm trying to not let my personal hurts come into my decision. I have to admit though I feel a bit put out that my kids, his only nephews and niece who he claims he adores (he only meet dd when she was 7months old even though he lives just over an hour away - yes I also tried to visit him but he was never available) and family is so important to him that they can't come to the reception.
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Penguin » Tue Jun 10, 2014 11:13 pm

My feeling on ther matter is that even in a 'no kids' wedding, any members of the bridal party (such as page boys and flower girls) get to come to the reception. Not that this is my wedding, but I think it's poor form to not invite the kid to the reception.

That sais, this isn't about me.

If none of you are going to the reception, then he probably won't notice that he's not invited, will he?

How will the other kids feel?

How do you feel about it?

FTR we had our niece as flowergirl and her brother didn't have a 'job' as such. We asked him to hand out programs/ be an 'usher' (but it was a park wedding, so it was a fairly redundant role.) I checked with SIL if this would be a problem with sibling jealously and she said no (in their case) but I can see how it would be for others.

(As an aside - apparently our niece said being flowergirl at our wedding was the best thing of her life, which is pretty wonderful.)
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Baby Blue Eyes » Wed Jun 11, 2014 6:32 am

I don't think the kids would care about being at the reception or not they haven't been to a big wedding before

I'm more hurt about my children not being allowed (plus there is a lot of water under the bridge)
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Jenbt85 » Wed Jun 11, 2014 6:41 am

This isn't a popular view, but I don't see a problem with their choice. The wedding is the important bit of the day. We had a small child free wedding and reception (only two of our friends had children at the time, so it didn't affect many people) and really enjoyed it for being just adults. Our youngest guest was about 13. Ultimately, it's the bride and groom's day. Generally they're under pressure to please everyone and will step on some toes whatever decision they make.

My Grandad had *all* the granddaughters in his family and his new wife's family as bridesmaids - except me. My parents called and asked him if I could be one, offered to pay for any costs etc but he still said no (I wasn't a difficult child, it's a bit odd why he was like this - but he is a bit odd). I'm not bothered about this (I haven't seen him for 22 years, which might help!) and wasn't particularly bothered then, but it upset my parents.
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Nedsmum » Wed Jun 11, 2014 7:06 am

We had a kid-friendly wedding and reception and took a tiny baby to a wedding that was 'no kids'...we did not ask permission to bring our babe in arms,and made the utmost effort to make sure he did not interrupt the proceedings,and afterwards they actually thanked us for showing them that it was possible to have a baby and still manage to not be any drama...

However, when I was little I was the flower girl at my aunt's wedding and my cousin and I were the Only children at the reception, and it was a somewhat traumatic experience for me due to the free-flowing alcohol. I do not remember very much except for loud noise and drunk adults... I think I was about 5 at the time... So if they do not intend for it to be 'kid-friendly' then that is something to consider.

I am always a little suprised at childless couples getting married who decide a wedding reception should not include kids...without considering the logistics involved etc. on the other hand, it have gone to weddings and deliberately not taken the kids, especially if it is a friend rather than family wedding and I do not want my kids to be the centre of attention...or potentially interrupting things with a meltdown (you have not met my kids!)....

Oh, and just to let you know, the couple whose wedding we took our newborn to, withouth asking,actually had their own child at the wedding, but the reason for making it 'kid free' was because two of the bridesmaids had small-ish children, one of whom is particularly bounce-off-the-walls, so they decided it was best to request no kids.

That plus the venue was a boat club with open piers and not really at all safe to have kids running around...
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by JennyD » Wed Jun 11, 2014 11:39 am

I had a child free wedding. It was the wrong decision, but I was young and didn't know better. A cousin asked if they could bring their baby, we said no (silly us), they didn't come. Another cousin simply brought their baby and it was fine. I will encourage my kids to allow kids at their weddings, it was my Mum who was against it and at 20 I just did what she suggested. That said, I wouldn't take my kids to a reception at that age unless it was really child friendly, for instance my kids at 4 and 1 would have hated my best friends reception, but at 6, 3 and 6months they really enjoyed a cousins very child friendly wedding. So no I would not be taking them to the reception, but as you are planning to attend the wedding it seems reasonable to allow DS to be page boy. I wouldn't be doing it if you weren't planning on attending though. some people are just clueless about little kids (I certainly was)

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Re: Weddings and family

Post by keyfive » Wed Jun 11, 2014 12:42 pm

I don't know. My BIL had his wedding when DS1 and DD were little (3 and 11 months) and they weren't invited to the reception. I didn't even question them not being invited. What I was most upset was that they didn't include me and the kids in the professional 'family' photos after the ceremony. DH had to be in them but I wasn't even asked. I had to do the mad dash to get the kids to the grandparents to be looked after and then get back to the reception in time for lunch instead :roll: Can you tell I am still feeling bitter about it all ;)
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by strolltotheshops » Wed Jun 11, 2014 1:26 pm

My response would be ';^?@ that'. Not inviting kids to the wedding and/or the reception is totally their choice. It's totally your choice whether or not you attend the part/s of the day some or all of you have been invited to. (Personally I would almost certainly travel 1.5 hours for wedding only, but wouldn't travel, say, 5 hours and stay overnight for the wedding but not the reception.) All of those things are choices which are perfectly fine for your brother and his wife to make and for you and your husband to make. But making the choice to not allow 4/6 of your family at the reception while expecting your son to be your brother's plaything at his beck and call is simply not OK in my opinion. And, yes, I agree with other posters that the wedding is the most important part on the day (and the marriage is far more important than the wedding), but completely disregarding the travel and accommodation and the impact on your family while wanting your son at his beck and call is not OK.

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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Baby Blue Eyes » Wed Jun 11, 2014 3:08 pm

dh and I have talked about it and we have decided to let him be a part of the wedding. To be honest I'm doing it more for my son than my brother he will love it.
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Baby Blue Eyes » Wed Jun 11, 2014 4:18 pm

just asked ds1 and he burst into tears and said he doesn't want to do it :?
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by Mummy woo! » Wed Jun 11, 2014 4:52 pm

Baby Blue Eyes wrote:just asked ds1 and he burst into tears and said he doesn't want to do it :?
Problem solved!?
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Re: Weddings and family

Post by strolltotheshops » Wed Jun 11, 2014 4:55 pm

Mummy woo! wrote:
Baby Blue Eyes wrote:just asked ds1 and he burst into tears and said he doesn't want to do it :?
Problem solved!?
That sounds like a great outcome. Well, obviously, not him being upset. But now there's no uncertainty about whether or not you should compel him to do it.

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