I'm feeling really overwhelmed a lot of the time at the moment, I guess I just want to write it all down so here goes!
- DH has depression and has recently sought treatment for it for the first time in his life - we've been dealing with it in our marriage and family life for years and it got to the point recently where I couldn't handle the stress anymore so I basically forced him to go to the GP and get some help. It was really stressful getting to that point, as he's really quite fragile and I felt (and still feel) like I have to carry everything for the family. He hasn't started meds yet - is due to start this week but he's sick so he might wait a few days. I'm really nervous about side effects and if he's going to cope before the meds kick in properly. I can't relax around him. And for some reason it's really irritating me that he is sick - he acts like a baby wanting sympathy and I just wish he'd bugger off. Hmmm. I feel bad for saying that but there you go, it's how I feel.
- I have chronic sleep deprivation - one of our kids has never slept through the night and we cosleep but I think I'm more exhausted than I realise...life is stressful purely from an energy point of view, I'm always running close to empty and my brain doesn't work very well, can't keep up with everything and it's hard to get everything done on low energy. So the house is a mess, I'm not managing our money as well as I'd like, can't get around to phone calls I need to make etc etc.
- I'm doing what I can to manage - have had the kids at extra time at daycare so I can rest a bit, am taking heaps of vitamin supplements, trying to destress, stretch, exercise, calm thinking etc but it's such an uphill battle to feel good. And there's only so much time I can spend on myself with two little kids to look after. I wonder if I have depression myself - I definitely feel very emotional at the moment and like I'm over my stress threshold. I'm seeing a psychologist but my next appt isn't for a few weeks. I don't feel very resilient at all at the moment. I am enjoying time with the kids and I am feeling quite positive about my parenting, having said that DS2 when tired (which is most of the time) wants to be picked up constantly and it can be impossible to get anything done - or at least very difficult! I don't think I get enough time to rest and recharge from the demands of parenting.
- I work part time and it's hard to get my hours up - it's a very flexible role which is great, but if I can't get the work done then I don't earn enough money and I feel guilty, but often when I get around to work (from home) I'm either too exhausted or too stressed to get all the hours done and I choose to use the time to rest instead - I know this is sensible but on the other hand it makes other things harder, like I don't get all the work done and then feel like a crappy employee, and we don't have enough money and DH cracks the poops over that.
So there you go - it's just all too hard!!! and I don't know what to do to make it easier...apart from admit to everyone around me that I need some help?? Mum does help out a bit and I have church support, just so much of the day to day stuff seems to fall on my shoulders and I want to be there for my kids so I don't want heaps more time away from them. I need to catch up on sleep (lol can't actually believe that would happen in a hurry) and just get a break from having to keep everything running. I don't know. I'm pinning so much on hoping DH's treatment works and he relaxes and becomes more useful and less stressed - honestly I think 90% of my stress is related to him. It's weird how after years of dealing with his stuff, now he's admitted he needs help, I've fallen to pieces a little! It's a topsy turvy time.
Thanks for reading....
Stressed….depressed or just feeling emotionally isolated and in need of a chat? Sometimes the labels don’t fit but the emotional baggage we carry is the same…….if your life isn’t all beautiful like the nappy ads would have us believe, feel free to have a chat here. It’s important to have somewhere safe where you can be yourself and talk about the things that REALLY matter.
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Wow, I think you've coped well considering everything going on.
You could see your GP to get some counselling for yourself, through medicare, it really does help to say things out loud to someone. And asking for help is hard at first, but it gets easier. And you'll be surprised at how many people will want to help you too.
Keep posting, you'll get lots of support here.