Finding the fun / joy in life

Stressed….depressed or just feeling emotionally isolated and in need of a chat? Sometimes the labels don’t fit but the emotional baggage we carry is the same…….if your life isn’t all beautiful like the nappy ads would have us believe, feel free to have a chat here. It’s important to have somewhere safe where you can be yourself and talk about the things that REALLY matter.


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jessles
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Finding the fun / joy in life

Post by jessles » Tue Jan 19, 2016 8:28 pm

My mum decided to lecture me yesterday that though she didn't know how I could do it, that I need to find the fun / joy in life and not get so worked up and angry about things eg the kids being rat bags. This was after I had had a follow-up with the gp to see how I was going on the ADs I'm on. I have to go back to the gp to get a mental healthplan worked out.

So how would/do you find the fun / joy in life.

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Nedsmum
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Re: Finding the fun / joy in life

Post by Nedsmum » Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:25 pm

It's a work in progress. I am currently working with weekly psych therapy. I would say the 'lack of joy' is a symptom of depression, as is the low tolerance, anger...it's a vicious cycle for sure.

Self-care is not to be under-estimated. Finding one or two things that matter to you that you can manage to do every day. I have a list somewhere that I made for my husband that is titled 'little things that make a big difference'.... it was a list of mostly chores and behaviours that he could do that helped me to feel better... things like 'put fresh linen on our bed' or 'unpack the dishwasher' or 'clear the rubbish out of the car' or 'write a shopping list'...

I did a quick internet search and there are lots of suggestions using that title... I don't know where I got the original idea from, but put 'little things that make a big difference' into an internet search and you might find a similar list as a starting point - but part of the positive process is to make your own...to think about the little things that make smile in your day.

The other thing that I recently downloaded was a diagram from 'beyond blue'.
Breastmilk - the ultimate 'brain food'!!!

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Nedsmum
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Re: Finding the fun / joy in life

Post by Nedsmum » Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:25 pm

Image
Breastmilk - the ultimate 'brain food'!!!

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Re: Finding the fun / joy in life

Post by Nedsmum » Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:26 pm

https://www.facebook.com/beyondblue/pho ... =3&theater

This is a diagram from beyond blue that I downloaded recently. About wellbeing. :-D
Breastmilk - the ultimate 'brain food'!!!

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jessles
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Re: Finding the fun / joy in life

Post by jessles » Tue Jan 19, 2016 10:41 pm

Thanks Nedsmum.

Hubby's response to it all (and the PND and the care plan) is to exercise everyday for 3 mths and I'll be fine. By loosing some weight, I won't be stressed any more.
I understand where he's coming from, but I can't even see where I can get the time to exercise like he wants me to everyday.

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Re: Finding the fun / joy in life

Post by Nedsmum » Wed Jan 20, 2016 8:31 am

For me, weight gain is a symptom of overtiredness and stress. I eat when tired, I eat when stressed...I have a habit of snacking after dinner instead of going to bed, then I get another energy boost, but it's not a good solution to the chronic lack of sleep from raising three kids... I was heaviest 6 months after having the third child, moving house, having the second child diagnosed with type 1 diabetes...and then deciding to pack up our whole life and move halfway around the world to start again... I lost a stack of weight when I went back to work, went on a hormonal contraceptive and avoided eating...but usually am at my lightest about 2 years after each child's birth...seems to be related to breastfeeding too as the weight and eating habits shift a lot when I completely stop...
Have you ever had a period where exercise was part of your life and felt good for you ? Have you considered that perhaps regular 'eat less, exercise more' advice might not be enough anyway ?
Breastmilk - the ultimate 'brain food'!!!

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jessles
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Re: Finding the fun / joy in life

Post by jessles » Wed Jan 20, 2016 9:51 am

Yeah, I have had times of my life when exercise has been fun. It was all pre-kids though. I just can't find the time now with 4 kids to get quality exercise in esp since hubby does lots of time with exercise/sport and/or work.

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Re: Finding the fun / joy in life

Post by Nedsmum » Thu Jan 21, 2016 4:45 pm

There is no doubt that regular exercise helps us to feel good... getting that sort of exercise in with small kids can be difficult... do you have some other systems that can back-you-up so you aren't having to fit around hubby's limited schedule ? I know the kids are still very small...mine are now 8-14-16 and for the first time we can leave them all at home without needing supervision by an adult, and it's so very different...the time does come when it's so much easier...but I know you are looking for something to change now...or soon... how old is your smallest child ? Does hubby actually schedule in time when he is 1:4 and you go out ?
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jessles
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Re: Finding the fun / joy in life

Post by jessles » Thu Jan 21, 2016 6:20 pm

My kids are almost 8, almost 6, 4 and 19mths.

The only time I really get to go out is P&C meetings for school (and half the time I have the kids with me until he comes home from work) or maybe going and doing the grocery shopping, but once again I often have at least 1 child with me.

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Mummy woo!
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Re: Finding the fun / joy in life

Post by Mummy woo! » Thu Jan 21, 2016 9:59 pm

Jessles is it time for a discussion with your DH about him being home more so that you can get out? Just telling you to exercise every day when he is not coming home so you can get out is pretty weak on his part IMO. If he gets to exercise every day, maybe he can make it every second day so you can have a turn? And if you have clinical depression exercise will be helpful, but not a complete answer, and maybe not the right answer for you.

I'd be tempted to bugger off for the weekend and leave your helpful helpers to deal with everything for a few days - see how much joy they are finding then?!!

Alternatively some things that have worked for me (but don't presently because I'm not getting anything 'extra' done at the moment) are getting up early and going before DH left for work, or going on the way home from work and DH doing dinner and baths. Or getting out and doing something active with kids in tow - swimming or walking, but it is hard to get enough intensity with kids along for the ride (unless you get a bike trailer and tow the littlies along?
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Re: Finding the fun / joy in life

Post by Esther » Thu Jan 21, 2016 10:20 pm

Mummy woo! wrote:I'd be tempted to bugger off for the weekend and leave your helpful helpers to deal with everything for a few days - see how much joy they are finding then?!!
I agree.

It helps me if I get some knitting or crochet done each day. Even only a few minutes. The t-shirt that reads "I knit so I don't kill people" might have been designed with me in mind :oops: I might have to buy it one day.... I find it calming. Knitting that is :lol: Even when I'm making mistakes :roll:

I'd love to do more exercise, but it's finding time without someone else tagging along as well, as you know. The older are getting better (nearly 11 and 7.5), but Miss 3 is still needing lots of attention. Neither of us can say words like pool or walk in the sentence "I'm going to the ....by myself" without her wanting to come too. DP often does his morning stretching exercises (so he can actually move :? ) with DD2 right alongside. Her preferred position is as close as possible. So we both feel the pain!

Hugs jessles.
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kingofthedivan
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Re: Finding the fun / joy in life

Post by kingofthedivan » Thu Jan 21, 2016 10:38 pm

Esther wrote: I find it calming. Knitting that is :lol: Even when I'm making mistakes .
This. Crotchet was so good for my self esteem in this way. Dancing and singing at the top of my lungs good too for clearing the pipes when you can't exercise. Also good group activity!

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Feebes
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Re: Finding the fun / joy in life

Post by Feebes » Fri Jan 22, 2016 10:49 am

Working, I love working. I was at home for 5 years with my last baby and was the longest that I was at home for with the kids.

Very strange and most likely nothing something that you could consider right at this point of time, but I haven't been this content and 'ok' for years. I am off AD's and life is bl00dy good.

Other than that, I try to catch up with friends, but only people that make me feel good and have a ok/good time with.

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Nedsmum
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Re: Finding the fun / joy in life

Post by Nedsmum » Fri Jan 22, 2016 7:44 pm

"Other than that, I try to catch up with friends, but only people that make me feel good and have a ok/good time with."

<---- This. A very important lesson for me.

I have started to see a beauty therapist once a month. Just chatting to someone who listens, about ordinary things...is a form of therapy...I don't tell her about the tough things, I tell her about the funny things, things that I am excited about and things she's interested in...

I have weekly psychological therapy for the 'tough' stuff, and medication too, for the first time in my life...having avoided it with other phases of depression. This time it was depression plus anxiety plus panic attacks plus severe pms/pmdd, and I could not do it without medication...
Breastmilk - the ultimate 'brain food'!!!

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