swearing solutions

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swearing solutions

Postby Esther » Wed Nov 30, 2016 10:47 pm

DS is swearing quite a lot. Mostly in anger, but not always. DP is at the point of threatening to wash his mouth out with soap, but I'd really like to avoid that if we can and I'm pretty sure DP would rather not go there either!

What working solutions has anyone got? It seems to be a "thing" with his group of friends at school atm. DD1 has heard them swearing at school, but never when there's a teacher around - they're not quite that dumb - DS is actually quite terrified of a teacher overhearing him swear. Maybe we could set it up...? :-k We don't swear a lot in front of the kids, although I am definitely guilty of more than the occasional violent mutter.

We've talked about swearing being the sign of a limited vocabulary. We've talked about it being offensive to other people. He tends to make up alternative words that sound very similar anyway (something else we tried...). I find it very hard to ignore, but maybe this is something I will have to try, as it certainly gets a reaction from me!

I suspect it's something that seems to cool to 8yo boys from the films and stories they see and read. Mind you, there's not a lot of swearing in Harry Potter...His film viewing is pretty restricted, much to his disgust!

He also then gets upset when he hears the neighbour's teenage boy swearing violently next door, so again, I don't think a hardened criminal just yet!

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Re: swearing solutions

Postby AussieBritLu » Thu Dec 01, 2016 11:52 am

sorry no idea....just know that both my brother and sister had their mouths washed out with soap.

Good luck. And let us know what does work for you :)
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Re: swearing solutions

Postby Mummy woo! » Thu Dec 01, 2016 6:30 pm

We just ignore it, except when directed at someone. So 'oh sh!t I dropped something on my foot' is quite different to 'you f!@#@ so and so'. We don't talk to each other like that and I usually just send them to their rooms to separate them for fighting, not for swearing.

They know not to swear in front of grandma etc and they don't swear all that much at home because there isn't much point.

Can you and DH ignore it for a week and see what happens? If it riles you up, maybe keep your own swear jar and every time he swears you put a dollar in, then at the end of the week you can buy yourself a present!
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Re: swearing solutions

Postby JennyD » Thu Dec 01, 2016 8:24 pm

I used to swear a lot. Mum tried ignoring it, didn't work. She tried a swear jar and I stopped swearing for the duration, Dad put a lot of money in it, I didn't. The thing that stopped me swearing was hanging out with a group of people who didn't swear (I was about 15 at the time, so Mum put up with it from 2 to 15).

My kids don't swear. My solution is to say "D family don't swear" This works because DH and I both don't swear. It also works because we don't drink, we don't yell at each other, we watch sci fi etc. So we are a bit weird to begin with. In fact my kids tell my Mum off for swearing :) I would say though that if he can hold it back for teachers he can hold it back for you. He obviously has the self control, maybe play to that.
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Re: swearing solutions

Postby Esther » Thu Dec 01, 2016 8:25 pm

A solution may have presented itself today without us doing too much (my fave way to parent 8) )

DS was really upset at dinner time. He made a mistake with something or other and a friend said "firetruck" (grade 3 code for a word that uses the first letter and the last three, then adds "you". Charming...) He didn't know what it meant at first, and then it was explained to him. Cue tears of anger and tiredness. It was a superb opportunity :mrgreen: *rubs hands gleefully*.

So we talked about how he sounded really upset and that being sworn at can have this exact effect on people. Saying offensive things can be as bad as hitting or teasing someone. We thought of some more silly words to say and that it's OK to tell people when they've offended you by saying something.

MW, I love your idea of the swear jar in reverse!! :lol:
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Re: swearing solutions

Postby JennyD » Thu Dec 01, 2016 8:40 pm

Great to hear you have some progress. A couple of swearing anecdotes that may or may not help :)

I was watching a doco on something related to pain and they did a test. They got Stephen Fry (who doesn't swear) and some other bloke who swears all the time. They made them put their hands in ice water and timed how long they lasted. Then after a break they did it again allowing them to swear. Stephen's pain tolerance increased heaps, but it made no difference to the other guy.

DH never swears (well almost) one day at work things just went to hell in a hand basket and he swore. It was just one word, but everyone disappeared and no one bothered him for the next few days :) so swearing has power if used sparingly, if used all the time it becomes nothing

Last but not least my Great Grandmother used to say "jam and butter and plaster the muddy bucket of pitch" it has all the fricative sounds and feels great but is completely harmless.

Have fun.
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Re: swearing solutions

Postby AussieBritLu » Thu Dec 01, 2016 8:59 pm

glad you got a result.
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Re: swearing solutions

Postby Esther » Thu Dec 01, 2016 9:32 pm

Yes Jenny, totally agree that swearing used sparingly can be very powerful. One of DP's best mates says he loves hearing me swear. Because he knows I really, really mean it :twisted:

The Stephen Fry story was really interesting. Must see if I can find a link.

Thanks for the support ABL x

And lastly, I'm going to make as big an effort as I can to not yell at DS. For as long as I can. Not aiming for a year.... :roll: It might help....
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Re: swearing solutions

Postby Bailey's Mum » Sat Dec 03, 2016 8:05 pm

My middle child swears like a trooper. We have tried EVERYthing. For us, it's ODD talking, and there's not much we can do about it. Our current psych has a reverse points plan going, where instead of fining him for swearing like with the swear jar (which was just more work for me, making sure everyone had their allocated allowance per week in 10c pieces @ 10c per swear word), we award points for the times he behaves according to 3 key values - kind words, kind actions and using inside voices (the current 3). That works, to a point. It hasn't stopped the swearing, and in fact it worsened for a while, but when he sees us regularly awarding points and realises he could have earned heaps more towards whatever reward he is working towards, he pulls up his socks for a few hours.

I hate it. It is foul. It is abusive. It is hideously personal. It is offensive. It is embarrassing. And sometimes, all I've got left is to fling it back at him and see how he likes it (he doesn't, but he doesn't stop, either).

I have explained what the words he uses mean and how offensive they are. That just makes him use them more.

I have no idea how to stop it. I just wanted to say you're not alone x
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Re: swearing solutions

Postby Esther » Sat Dec 03, 2016 9:46 pm

Hugs BM. And thank you xo
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Re: swearing solutions

Postby Gwen's Mum » Sat Dec 03, 2016 11:19 pm

Mummy woo! wrote:We just ignore it, except when directed at someone. So 'oh sh!t I dropped something on my foot' is quite different to 'you f!@#@ so and so'. We don't talk to each other like that and I usually just send them to their rooms to separate them for fighting, not for swearing.

They know not to swear in front of grandma etc and they don't swear all that much at home because there isn't much point.

Can you and DH ignore it for a week and see what happens? If it riles you up, maybe keep your own swear jar and every time he swears you put a dollar in, then at the end of the week you can buy yourself a present!


For reasons I cannot comprehend, DD doesn't swear (both DP and I tend towards sailor language quite frequently). Perhaps because, if anything, we clearly demonstrate context-specific language use (swear at home, not at the grandparents' house). I honestly don't know, but I admit I'm glad (although DS is nearly 2 and is now parroting everything - including "oh sh!t!" after I dropped something. :shock: :roll: :lol:

In any case, we go for a similar approach to MWs, and mostly we have aimed to ignore it if it does happen and wait for the stage to pass and/or explain contextual nuance. I very much like the idea of the swear jar that funds me a nice gift, though! :lol:
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Re: swearing solutions

Postby Feebes » Sun Dec 04, 2016 9:32 am

OT

But DD rarely swears, DS a tiny bit and DD2, well she swears like a sailor when there is conflict going on with her siblings and the like.

Its like hearing myself.

:oops:

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