Violent talk

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Violent talk

Postby Jenbt85 » Fri Jul 01, 2016 8:32 pm

DS is 3.5. He doesn't have exposure to violence - not at home, not at any family homes etc. We don't have the news on and he only watches age appropriate cartoons and shows... yet he talks frequently in really violent terms:

I'm going to put you in the bin and you're going to go into the top of a rubbish truck and it will crush you up and take you away.

I'm going to chop you up etc

He's a really loving and nurturing child but talks frequently like this. It could be that it continued because at first we made a joke out of it. Sometimes the plots can be really detailed.

Does anyone else have experience of this? My mum was concerned then said it was normal after googling - but I'm interested in hearing how other people have managed this. I have started saying "we don't talk like that" or if he comes out with it after he's been denied what he wants, I acknowledge he's frustrated etc

It's so bizarre - he's the most nurturing kid. I don't even know where some of this stuff comes from.
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Re: Violent talk

Postby Mummy woo! » Sat Jul 02, 2016 10:20 am

Could be coming from daycare/preschool/playgroup? Could also be extrapolating something in a way that doesn't make sense to an adult, especially if he is a bright kid. The crushed in a bin thing could be Toy Story 3. And the witch in hansel and Gretel is going to eat hansel - not a big leap to cutting someone up.

Obiwoo has some friends who have exposed him to things he never hears at home. He called me a f@ggot the other day, having no idea what it meant and just being angry with me for something minor. Poor kid had no idea why my head nearly exploded!
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Re: Violent talk

Postby JennyD » Sat Jul 02, 2016 12:24 pm

Could also just be a good imagination. You don't need exposure to violence to feel like hitting someone, and a good imagination can come up with ideas for violence. We all have bins, and knives, and we've all seen the bin truck, so it could just be his way of expressing anger. There are times when I feel like putting people in the bin and watching the truck crush them :) I would be tempted to both explain that that sort of talk is not friendly and makes everyone around feel sad, and also investigate why he is talking like that, so ask him why he wants to cut someone up or crush them in the bin, and then help him to find more appropriate responses to the annoying people in his life.
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Re: Violent talk

Postby Jenbt85 » Sat Jul 02, 2016 7:34 pm

It started pre-kindy, so isn't about exposure to other kids. He is very imaginative so it might be that. He doesn't always seem angry when he comes out with it - it is sometimes gleeful. He is really sensitive, so I'm careful about what he watches. He found Toy Story 1 scary (the bit with the toys from the kid next door) so he gets exposure to really gentle programs.

He seems to have minor issues with anxiety but I don't know how much it's an excuse to not do what he wants to. He doesn't want to say (or sign) please because "it's scary". Same with saying sorry. The more I dig my heels in, the more he digs his in. He couldn't care less about consequences. He is refusing to toilet train (again "I'm scared") though he's 3.5 and knows what to do. He hates limelight of any kind and is starting to be secretive (Mummy, x happened but don't tell xyz). I don't know how much I need to be concerned and how much is normal. I'm not the primary carer so I have limited scope for change at the moment.
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Re: Violent talk

Postby AussieBritLu » Sat Jul 02, 2016 8:13 pm

DD does similar....she talks about people dying etc but she has had exposure to that because of my dad and dh's grandfather passing away.....

She has also talked about hitting etc ... I think just keep talking to him about it in a calm manner he will hopefully eventually grow out of that...I am sure it's an age phase as such.
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Re: Violent talk

Postby Bailey's Mum » Fri Jul 08, 2016 5:40 pm

We have that,too. Especially the younger two. A certain amount is normal, especially with boys around that age, but if it doesn't ease or pass by 5, I'd recommend a chat with a GP and referral to a psych - there are sooo many things that this behaviour is a marker for (I'm learning this the hard way).

It's almost always normal. It's just when it consistently and repeatedly goes beyond normal that's a problem.

I feel like all my posts today have been doom and gloom, but when I was anxious about all these things, the people I asked made light of my concerns, and I gladly believed them. It took longer than it needed to for us to get the help we needed. And I'm all about getting help these days. The more, the better.
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Re: Violent talk

Postby Jenbt85 » Sat Jul 09, 2016 8:12 pm

Are you happy to chat privately about the markers? Is five the recommended age?
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Re: Violent talk

Postby Bailey's Mum » Sat Jul 09, 2016 8:31 pm

Not sure about recommended age, but happy to chat by PM, or on FB. About to go soak in the bath I've been desperately craving for 10 days (I booked a spa villa for our holiday, only to arrive and discover no spa! Not happy Jan, LOL)
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