Separation anxiety :(

Returning to the paid workforce, study or just going out for the night. Discuss issues related to leaving your baby with a carer here
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Penguin
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Separation anxiety :(

Post by Penguin » Fri Jan 25, 2013 6:26 pm

Ideas for daycare drop off please.DD is 20 months old and has been going to daycare for 2 - 3 days a week since she was 8 months old. She cries every morning when I drop her off, it's awful :(

The last three daycare days i've dropped her off and they have had to pry her off me, she's screamed and I wait in the foyer where she can't see me til she stops crying, then I go to the car and cry and cry and cry myself :( I feel so mean :(

This morning DH and I dropped her off and she screamed and screamed. We had to go before she stopped screaming so I don't know how long it was for :( my poor baby :(


Ideas to help her cope better? Poor baby :(
DD1 May 2011
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mooki
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Post by mooki » Fri Jan 25, 2013 6:35 pm

no idea !@~@~!group hug
xxxxxx

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Mummy woo!
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Post by Mummy woo! » Fri Jan 25, 2013 7:38 pm

Can Daddy do the drop offs?

Alternatively can you get there a bit earlier and spend 10 minutes with her before it is time to go? Oobiwoo used to settle well if I fed him at drop off (with toddlers climbing all over me asking 'what are you doing?')
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Feebes
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Post by Feebes » Fri Jan 25, 2013 8:24 pm

What about laminted photos on a key ring thingy of you and DH and anything else at home which she likes so that she can look at that whilst you leave? Distraction?

Poor thing.

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snowie
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Post by snowie » Fri Jan 25, 2013 8:46 pm

Oh penguin, it's heart wrenching. Big hugs xxx

Does your DD have a preferred carer that she would be happy to go to? My DD was and still is a little clingy, what helps her is to go to someone she chooses.
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Penguin
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Post by Penguin » Fri Jan 25, 2013 8:59 pm

I generally do drop offs because that's just how it works best. Her old daycare was near my work (25 min from home) so I just dropped her off. New daycare is near our house. Normal morning routine is to get up, DH gets DD ready while I get ready, then we both leave and DH gets ready. If he did drop off then we would need to get up earlier so that he had time to get ready etc.

Although that said, we're on one car at the moment and DH was dropping me off at work, so we both dropped her off on the way. TOday was the worst day in months (perhaps a change in routine caused this since we were both there?) DH dropped her off a few times over the holidays and she cries just as much for hime.

I usually try to leave enough time so that I can stay for about 10 - 15 mins. She is quite clingy when we get there, then she settles but then she loses it when I say goodbye.

Today they didn't go outside as they normally do because it was raining, so that might have been worse as well (more change in routine)

There's no particular carer who she doesn't cry for :(

She's just so distressed and cries every time and I have no idea how to help her :(
DD1 May 2011
Super baby Dec 2013
DD2 Feb 2015 Storked by Parla.
Proud storker: michansam's DS3, katsbi's DD3 and Gwen's mum's DS
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bubbychoochoo
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Post by bubbychoochoo » Fri Jan 25, 2013 9:14 pm

So sad reading this, sorry i have no advice for you :( :smt056

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snowie
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Post by snowie » Fri Jan 25, 2013 10:36 pm

:cry:
I felt like I had the only child who clung, it is difficult. I hate my DD being upset and I hate feeling frustrated about the whole situation.

Another thing I just thought of - DD is more unsettled about separating if there are lots of other children around I.e. if I have to drop off just before they transition outside. So dropping off after that time helps her - but not me as I'm then pushing it to be on time.
If I give her breakfast there, she is finds it much easier to separate from me as she's keen to eat.
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Nedsmum
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Post by Nedsmum » Sat Jan 26, 2013 4:44 am

Are the carers confident with her, and do you fully trust your carers ?

We have a few toddlers at work that can really turn on the protest for their parent, but settle, literally a moment later - one of them would scream until mum left, then take on breath, and he was done!

I can only suggest that you keep a positive face on (it worries me that you cry about it...but I know the feeling...it's just that you should be able to trust that she is fine and will be OK and 100% trust your childcarers, and therefore understand that the crying is simply a protest, hoping you will change your mind and not go to work today :wink: )

and make the transition as short and sweet as possible. The vast majority of kids we look after are 100% fine as soon as they are 'sure' you have gone.

Something that my youngest's childcare did was to have the child go into the room and wave through the window. So the parents would keep a happy face on, and most of the time in the moment between separating at the door and looking out the window, and giving a quick wave as you leave, the tantrum is already over.

I do think it's a tantrum. It's designed to get you to prolong the separation, or change your mind. Very occasionally a child appears to be truly angry at their parent for leaving them, but overall, most kids are perfectly fine as soon as the parent is gone...
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veganmama
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Post by veganmama » Sat Jan 26, 2013 9:23 am

This is so sad and must be horrible for all of you. Does she enjoy day care? Does she talk happily about it when not there? Is she happy when you pick her up or desperate to leave?
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Rachwa
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Post by Rachwa » Sat Jan 26, 2013 9:43 am

Does she calm down after you are gone? How is she when you pick her up?

In T's case he had a complete emotional meltdown after separation (ie he would let me leave but not be happy about it, but then a little while later when he would realise i was still gone, he would freak out) and would not calm down until I got back and even then it would take quite a while. He would then stop sleeping and wakeup constantly for a few nights afterwards. He was reacting from a place of fear. It was definitely not a tantrum. But you will know the difference...and good carers will help guide you.

Lots of talk helped T. "x is going to look after you now until it is time for dinner. Mummy will come and get you and then we will have dinner with Daddy." we would also try to leave something of ours with him to "look after".
DS1 (T) Dec 2010, weaned Dec 2012
DS2 (H) July 2013, milk is in!

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